I do want him back, but I guess I am doing this wrong.
Actually based on what you described you're doing a lot of things right and it's working. You just don't realize it because you don't know the baby steps to look out for. Have you read DR yet?
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When I pulled into moms driveway he looked at me and told me that I really looked pretty today (I have only heard that about 3-4 times from him in my life!) I said thanks! Then then leaned over to kiss me, I kissed him back but pulled away first.
That's a perfect reaction. It's OK to kiss if he initiates, but you did the right thing pulling away first. It creates mystery. Why did she pull away? Is there something wrong? Am I losing her? These are the questions you want him asking himself.
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he said yes, "that is all I have been doing, watching tv and thinking" I said "I hope its good thoughts" He said "I hope so, hope things aren't too late" I asked him what did he mean by "too late". He said "too much to discuss over text.
That's a very good sign as well. It seems pretty clear he's thinking about things and second-guessing his decision to end it.
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So what do I do?
Nothing!!! Let him do this at his pace. Go to this thread:
And read Accuray's "rare book" analogy as well as the "castle" and "squirrel" analogies that I posted. It will help explain your H's behavior and what your reaction to it should be (act "as if" everything is fine and don't bring it up).
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That was when I stopped texting and calling him. I left him alone.
Perfect. That's proper DB'ing.
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So now when I leave him alone and act uninterested he shifts?
Yes, that's exactly the way it works. If you pursue, he pulls back farther, but if you pull back then he goes into pursuit mode. Be careful how you react. You don't want to react by starting to pursue again because he'll just pull back and repeat the cycle. Hold your ground. Don't reach out to him, let him reach out to you. Don't be cold, just be happy, positive and mysterious.
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I don't know what to do to get him to to have the conversation about us and what he wants to do.
Again, do nothing. Read the analogies and you'll understand why. You're holding food for a squirrel, hold still and he'll keep approaching. Flinch even a tiny bit and he'll run away.
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I don't want to ask because I have already told him what I want and that did not work.
Which is exactly why you don't want to do it again.
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I just want him to tell me if this os over or if he wants to come home then tell me! Is that the wrong approach?
Yes. This will not be over with (one way or the other) quickly, it'll take months. Be patient.
