It's tough, but at least your eyes are open now. I think in some ways, it's easier to focus on you and your family knowing that you really don't know and can't control all the things your H is thinking/doing.
With this new info, I have to say, I love his comment about "your his W until your not, and you need to respect that." You might want to turn that one around on him at some point. And I don't mean in a hateful way.
Originally Posted By: RegretfulLA
Re: detaching and pressuring him- I know I gotta leave him be, but part of his whole issue is that he thinks I don't love him. He thinks I'd rather be with someone else. So by detaching, that's reinforcing that for him. My instinct is to reach out, not pull back.
You've made it pretty clear that this isn't the case haven't you? Have you said in no uncertain terms that you want to work on the M? You've accepted responsibility for your mistakes and are working on them right? He knows this? If the answers are all yes, then I think all the other stuff is just seen as pursuing and makes you seem like you're trying to appease him. If you think it's helping, then go for it...but keep your eyes open and don't let it turn into a cake eating situation.
Originally Posted By: RegretfulLA
I am learning I'm a "don't get mad, get even" kind of person.
That really doesn't sound healthy to me. Is that how you want to be?
Originally Posted By: RegretfulLA
Although I have a dinner reservation made for his birthday and my parents have agreed to babysitting should we need it, I will probably suggest a family dinner either in or out. I had thought about giving him the option to go out as a couple, but it might be pressuring, so I may just drop it altogether and stick on the safe side. On the other hand, he does like to have a fuss made over him, but my gut tells me it's too much too soon.
I'd vote for family dinner. We did the same thing for my W's a few months ago and I think it really made her think about us as a family. We had dinner alone a few weeks prior (anniversary) and while that started well, it ended terribly, with us both rehashing a bunch of stuff we were angry about.
