I feel detached from H's drama in many ways. Thinking way too much too, though. But mostly I feel good. And if I am deeply honest with myself, I know I still want to work things out and keep my H in my life.
I know that may not be the outcome and I know that he has to process and let go of his own pain and anger before that could happen. But I would prefer that outcome.
What would be a 180? Both of these are big 180s... and I don't know which makes the most sense now.
1. No contact-- out of his life. 2. Willingness to keep up friendly contact in context of D going forward.
Also been thinking about what OW could possibly give him at this point that he isn't getting from me (other than excuses for his behavior). H says he feels he has lost a lot...
SO, what is SO awful about our R right now (or so compelling about his alternative) that he is willing to give up all he feels he is giving up and suffer all this depression, just to be rid of me?
Why is holding on to all that pain from the past so much better? I suspect he thinks getting rid of me is getting rid of that anger and pain, instead of what it really is, which is holding on to it rather than me.
I know what she did give him at the start of the A: - validating his emotions (i.e., your wife is not giving you what you need and she never will, but I can) - feeling of being desired - listening to him - fresh start - fun But I have 180'd anything that was preventing me from giving those things. He's been getting that stuff from me a long while now...as much as he's been willing to receive it from me and that goes in spurts.
