I don't know HOW to detach. What does this LOOK like? How do my interactions with him change? MY IC said to maybe act interested, but not always available. Let him initiate ALL contact (all non-kid contact). I'm not sure I can/want to do this.
Yeah, your IC is giving good advice. Detach means you pull back. Work on yourself. Become more independent. Give H space. It's OK to respond if he contacts you, but don't initiate unless it's kid-related and necessary.
Quote:
H stormed out of room and said "I can't believe this (as in you are accusing me of something (going early to talk to HER) just b/c I am leaving for work early?). I said, "I'm sorry, I'm just having a really bad morning" and proceeded to cry. He said, "What do you want me to do?" Me- "I don't know."
Well that went poorly. What did you take away from that? Hopefully that you need to quit pressuring H and you need to quit crying in front of him. You need to be strong and independent right now, he will NOT be attracted to weak and needy.
Quote:
Move-out day is only 2 wks away now. I want to give the boys time to adjust to the news, but I am just having a hard time with the reality of the sitch for ME and for THEM. It isn't fair.
You should go ahead and tell them. They do need some adjustment time before he's gone. Make sure you have the visitation arrangements ironed out so you can tell them the schedule. It's VERY important not to fall apart during this talk with them. Keep it calm and gentle. Tell them they are most important and that while S has to happen, you both love them very much and want to minimize the impact on them.
Quote:
I'm now thinking what if when H moves out that it will be easier for him to DETACH from ME and will be easier to start R up/continue (not that's it's really stopped) w OW?
It sounds like the S is inevitable, so there's no use in worrying about it. I was concerned that when W left she'd jump straight into dating and would never miss me or the kids. But the opposite has happened, she did not start dating and she has been more involved in family activities now than before she left. D15 has even commented that she senses W is missing the family life. So you never know, sometimes S is needed for the WAS to reset their priorities.
Quote:
Feel like sending him an email today asking about his interactions w OW at work.
Don't do that.
Quote:
Doesn't that impact ME...
Well of course, but stick to the game plan! DB! No R talks, no OW talks, no pressure.
