I am very afraid to lose her, and I have been thinking if she is really mine to lose? I came to the answer that no, she is not mine to lose and that she is already gone. This answer is very, very hurtful, I am in real pain right now because I see her as my happiness, and that also gets me to be angry with myself because my happiness does not dependes on her, but on the relationship I have with the Lord.
I know I have a codependy on XW and I long for the woman I met, not the woman I lost.
I went to her work today and to my surprise she is driving the car the OM gave her. She said she had to do it because she is struggling without a car, I was quiet, hurting to see exactly what you are saying, I am just being used. I have lost all self respect, I begged her to reconsider after all I have seen, I still begged her!! I left by saying that she will always be the love of my life.
I know I need to detach and continue with healing my spirit, but the problem is that I DO NOT want to do it. Everything goes back to the fear of losing her, but again, is she really mine to lose? No!!, and I question my self: Why is it to hard to admit she is gone, and move with your life? You are doing a lot of damage to yourself, so why continue digging your own grave?
I have all the answers, but I am just hovering around to what she needs.. Pitty!!
