Kicking a$$ and taking names!

[reachingHigher]

T, I didn't see your post in there! Thanks. I'm moving along and detaching. It feels good.

Snodderly, I got some daffodils (white with orange centers) and purple hyacinths. Last year, the boys dug me a couple of flower beds near our room where we homeschool but I'd been too sad to fill them. Now they'll be a bright spot of color in the spring. And some more tulips for cutting flowers for our greenhouse.

I've always loved bulbs for the very fact they are such delayed gratification. With each bulb I plant I always think of "hope". It's very strong for me.

Gal, I'll make good use of H being gone. Already it seems a relief at the same time I can't wait till he comes back! Aauuggghh!!!

Journaling:

H texted me first thing this morning and after a few texts asked if he could call. We talked a while. He stayed with mutual friends of ours for these first two days of vacation. They have a life much like H wants for us. SAHM with two successful well-behaved boys, successful financially, been married 25+ years, great R so it appears. She keeps herself up physically and they share common interests.

So I wondered how the talk of D would go there (imagining the worst of course) and would I not hear from H for two weeks?

But I felt much interest from H this morning. He asked all about how I was, did I sleep well, etc. I told him about r.e. broker and I said this company was global so that if I got on with them and decided to move away I probably could stay working for them. H became very subdued.

He later sent me a pic of a rainbow which he took (knows I love rainbows) and said more details about plane trip today and he would let me know when he gets there.

When he left here on Monday, we hugged goodbye at the car. There was SO much sexual tension between us. In the past, I used to make sure he went on trips well-satisifed but this time I left him "wanting". That's the term my book "why men love
b!tches" used.

I had really felt on shaky ground this week with not wanting to stand any more. Really just giving up and moving on.

This new attitude from him gives me a tiny bit of hope, although I think my actions shouldn't be any different. And if he comes back and files for D, I don't want to feel crushed like my hope is all for naught.

Why didn't he file Monday? He said he only slept 3 hours the night previous. $3K for his L and $1.5K for mine seem small compared to the 20 grand he's spent this year on his MLC. And it's something he thinks will free him from his misery.

I don't know the answers to these questions. But I do know that stopping ML has been key. I don't know if that would've been the right thing at the beginning of the separation.

Remember, "do what works".

I think things are working for now, as best they can. I'll be sure not to respond quickly to texts from him during this time he is gone. Working on ME and my boys and my career and my home. Yay!!