So here is where things stand as of this morning. I will be addressing certain points from many past posts as I am revewing them so here goes:
I would like advice on confronting in a loving way. And the setting of boundaries so that they are focusing on ME not her. With the first boundary being I will not try to fix the M with an OM in the picture ( but do I relegate her to other room or out of house until she quits A?? this was the essence of a previous ? of mine where I want to be firm but not push her to OM.) A second boundary is that I want us to go to counseling to help resolve the issues here. And a third point I need to bring up (but again not sure how to phrase) is how will she regain MY trust??
We do not have any children ( part of the growing divide and how things were handled at the time highlighted in previous posts) but pets that we absolutely love, so pressure applied via this route will not be possible.
Yes I am scared, but not fearful. I am building myself up in order to be able to stand tall when the confrontation happens. And I am not waiting indefinitely.
My plan is still to confront in 1.5 wks after this trip. This will actually coincide with being able to shore up some financial things as it so happens to "gain some cards" and for her to realize I am serious about this. Yes it has taken time to get to this point and it will take longer to fix the problem, but since I first had a discussion with my wife (3 weeks ago) about our relationship with no mention of A (maybe not right approach, but it is what I did) and how I needed to change things around for ME and she has taken to the changes. Yes there has been digital contact w OM but nothing else and the frequency is less. And this next trip we are taking will be great. And yes part of this trip is for me to let her see the changes I have made are permanent and for her to spend more time with the new Me.
The problem is that they are trying to meet up BEFORE we go and this I will not/can't let happen for my own mental health, and the purposes of keeping them apart while W and I spend time together. I am going to try and eliminate this from happening, enjoy the trip then "drop the hammer" once we get back. Yes I want my W back, but I am coming to terms with your help to realize that if she turns away from me after being confronted then what really was the loss?
And yes Starsky while I am hoping to carry out things according to this plan of action i am always open for more information and ideas. That is why I am here for the help of the community.
