Eyesopen and Grateful, thanks for the insight into your sitches. There are a lot of stories around here about how much people fight during this process and DR even addresses that, but it seems like cases like ours where there is no fighting are fairly unusual.
Originally Posted By: Cadet
YES I am saying this. In many cases that you read on these forums hormones play a factor. Could be menopause (periomenopause, andropause), post partum depression or some other thing that throws them out of whack. It is not the only thing that is going on but it is one factor.
Thanks Cadet! I've of course done a ton of reading on here and through books, articles and other forums, but it seems like menopause/ perio/ andro seem to get lumped into MLC. It seems like the whole "change of life" phase is largely a mystery and hasn't really been explored well as far as the impact it has on marriages and families.
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Well I am going to assume that bomb drop was the opposite of the person that you married.
Definitely! But in most other respects W hasn't really changed much. She's still a loving and caring mother, a responsible worker, a kind person in general and has not exhibited the "opposite" behavior that I've seen described in MLC threads. She's never once gone monster (or anything close to it) throughout this whole process. She's actually been very kind and considerate towards me and was there to support me in the worst stages of depression after BD. Now there have been some MLC signs- she dieted and lost about 20 pounds, she started wearing sexier underwear, changed her hair style a bit. But no radical transformation, no "alien transplant". Maybe that is still to come, only time will tell.
Originally Posted By: Just A Guy
This is also my fear. So I drip little bits of "trying" to show I am still okay with making the M work but yet I am not going to be the one who is going to initiate R.
Yeah, that's kind of what I was thinking is now and then just show some small indication that the interest is still there without making her feel pressure. Obviously every sitch is different, but I know my W and I know how she assumes things and goes down a road based on that assumption. She's a dreadful communicator, so if she's interested in reconciliation she may never say or show anything to me at all because she may assume from my GAL and detachment that I'm no longer interested. This is exactly what happened way back when we were dating, I detached from her a while and she thought I was done with her and had moved on. Meanwhile I just thought we were taking a little breather. She was shocked when I came back around.
