Separating Inevitable

[littleGTO]

Having a very bad morning...no new reason in particular, just everything is weighing heavily on me as I woke up.

H hasn't come to bed in the past 2 nights (usu comes up in middle of night.)

No "real" converstations at all this week except about kids.

H got up early and said he was leaving early for work. (OW & he are still talking at work...who knows the tone/content of their conversations, but it is killing me not to know...I thought end of comm outside of work might give him time & space from her, but it seems the fire keeps burning at work).

I got upset and said, "REALLY?" H stormed out of room and said "I can't believe this (as in you are accusing me of something (going early to talk to HER) just b/c I am leaving for work early?). I said, "I'm sorry, I'm just having a really bad morning" and proceeded to cry. He said, "What do you want me to do?" Me- "I don't know."

He talked to me and said maybe I should take the day off of work (maybe I should but I'm afraid I would just wallow in self-pity all day), or maybe I should get some medicine to help with my emotionality (he is taking anxiety meds & is looking to go for anti-depressants). I told him I didn't want to have to take meds. I can't believe HE'S the one with all the problems AND I'M FALLING APART!

He mentioned going to his dad's to get some "stuff" for his new aptmt on Sunday. Me, "How are you going to do that w/o the boys knowing?" H-"We will have to tell them." Recent events have changed the date of telling the boys but I am NOT ready to drop the bomb on them (I guess I never will be).

Move-out day is only 2 wks away now. I want to give the boys time to adjust to the news, but I am just having a hard time with the reality of the sitch for ME and for THEM. It isn't fair.

H hugged me again before leaving (early, but not as early).

I just hope to get through my day w/o falling apart at work.