I hear ya stander got lucky, W for the first time since going to MC opened up about things that we don't do and wants me to do. She also for the first time said.that there are times she wanting to stay and then 4 hours later she wants to leave then she will wake up and want to stay again.
Time marches on. Tonight she is going out to her aunts. I will have more time to journal later.
Me - 30 W - 28 M 4 t 6 ILYBINILWY #1 Jan - 2011 Band-aid Jan 11' ILYBINILWY #2 7/28/12
I made sushi tonight... W came home earlier than I thought from her aunts and enjoyed it thoroughly.. I also worked out and my job called me telling me they need me back already lol... Wish my W would have figured out she needs me in 6 days lol...
I am having a hard time figuring out which feelings to let out of my crazy bag of feelings I am having right now. I want to talk to her about everything, I know I shouldnt but I also know I have to let SOME negative feelings out because MC told us too and because W said she wishes I did more often.
Until the next step I hold onto her saying "I feel like I will be making a big mistake if I leave"
That to me brings hope....
JAG going to be next to the woman I love. signing off for the night... All you DBers sleep well and dream of happy days where all M's are saved with a little effort..
Me - 30 W - 28 M 4 t 6 ILYBINILWY #1 Jan - 2011 Band-aid Jan 11' ILYBINILWY #2 7/28/12
And then last night W starts a relationship talk. Saying that she told her sister's what is going on between us. One thing goes to another and she looks over at me with this look of I'm done but don't be mad.
She didn't say she was done, still hasn't mentioned D, or separation and we are still scheduling MC.
Our lease is up in Feb, and I know she nor I can afford the house on our own... Me thinks Feb is my deadline.
Me - 30 W - 28 M 4 t 6 ILYBINILWY #1 Jan - 2011 Band-aid Jan 11' ILYBINILWY #2 7/28/12
Working at the shop today feels strange.... w is feeling more and more distant, she gave me a shoulder rub while I was working on her computer. I guess another touch and go...
I feel a little down today.. I know I still have positive things to remember about ny sitch but I also see that she is doing more things to distance herself from me like taking our pictures of us down in her car, changing her FB pic to a pic with her sister's and not me etc... It hurts...
Me - 30 W - 28 M 4 t 6 ILYBINILWY #1 Jan - 2011 Band-aid Jan 11' ILYBINILWY #2 7/28/12
Also had to chuckle because W gave me a nice hug and a kiss on the cheak before leaving work. I chuckled because I never thought I would be so appreciative of such a minute thing. Lol
Me - 30 W - 28 M 4 t 6 ILYBINILWY #1 Jan - 2011 Band-aid Jan 11' ILYBINILWY #2 7/28/12
Also had to chuckle because W gave me a nice hug and a kiss on the cheak before leaving work. I chuckled because I never thought I would be so appreciative of such a minute thing. Lol
Don't talk about your karate, stay silent about it, be about it, of course she can ask you about it. Sounds good!
So hard to stay silent about it when one of the main things talked about at MC is lack of communication. W's biggest complaint is that I don't open up to her besides day to day things.
I feel like if I clam up even more it's a lose lose..
Me - 30 W - 28 M 4 t 6 ILYBINILWY #1 Jan - 2011 Band-aid Jan 11' ILYBINILWY #2 7/28/12
W and I just had margaritas and some chips and salsa together. She worked at the auction we had at work with me.. still the same ole friendville... Guess it's better than her viewing me as an enemy...
Me - 30 W - 28 M 4 t 6 ILYBINILWY #1 Jan - 2011 Band-aid Jan 11' ILYBINILWY #2 7/28/12
Today we are having a birthday dinner for W at my parents house. I installed the birthday present I got for her into her car this morning while she was sleeping.
We had pancakes this morning and have really been having more in depth conversations about things and life in general. Conversations which have not led to M discussions but just general life discussions of things we have not talked about.
She also asked how the ILYBINILWY book has been. I an nit going to suggest she read it but I hope she asks to borrow it for her retreat.
Karate is super expensive, I need to find a cheaper alternative.
Me - 30 W - 28 M 4 t 6 ILYBINILWY #1 Jan - 2011 Band-aid Jan 11' ILYBINILWY #2 7/28/12
Birthday dinner was great, had a lot of fun. W gave me a peck on the lips saying.thanks for the present I got for her and installed in her car.
We also watched her nephew overnight at our house. I was a blast and nephew became seriously attached to me over the two days we had him.
Everything was business as usual until last night. I am half asleep and W grabs my hand. It wasn't just a quickie either she held it as she fell asleep, something she hadn't done since the start of this mess.
I don't know why or even which 180 I am doing that is causing this. Maybe just seeing.me as a great parent stirred up some primal emoticons. Either way it was NICE...
Me - 30 W - 28 M 4 t 6 ILYBINILWY #1 Jan - 2011 Band-aid Jan 11' ILYBINILWY #2 7/28/12
