"I love my W but I don't want to stand in the way of her happiness."
^^^That is great. It truly is. I told my W those EXACT words during our conversation. I believe it's one of the most powerful things you can say to her, and it accomplishes a few things.. It shows that your love for her is unconditional... that you're willing to let her go find her own happiness... and that you know you can't change her mind.
As for her email:
While it doesn't sound like she's trying to meet up with you to start trying to reconcile, it also shows a LOT of things you can be hopeful about.
Clearly, she's not resolute in her decisions. If she was, there would be no need to keep delaying this conversation. She'd already be "Ready".
The whole "I want you to prepare, because I'm not sure we're on the same page" thing? That's an easy one. I'M 100% sure you guys aren't on the same page! She's a WAW! And you're fighting for the M that she walked away from. There's no new information for you there.
But, she clearly cares here. The whole "I don't want to hurt you. I want the hurting to end" stuff proves there is still SOME emotional investment in the R. Maybe not as much as you would like (actually, definitely not as much as you would like) but the fire hasn't extinguished yet.
In other words, you can't lose hope.
Also, if the confusion that she's conveying isn't clear enough, when you dissect the email a little further, it becomes even more compound... She starts off saying she doesn't want to talk until she's had a chance to chat with her IC... Then the next sentence says "We could talk today over lunch if YOU'D LIKE" and a couple sentences later, she says she's just not ready to talk.
As hard as it is to understand, the confusion is a good sign... or at least it's not a bad sign.
I can't sugar coat this and say that the email conveys a very positive message or that the conversation she's looking to have isn't going to sting... because the odds are it will.
But you've got a lot of things on your side here... Time is the greatest of them... but there's also hope to be read between the lines of her email. And I'd be willing to bet there will at least be a few glimmers of hope that come out in the conversation.
I agree with most of what AT just said. I'm not sure that I see the 'hope' that he's talking about. I wasn't looking for it. Any interpretation that you make is mind reading.
I do agree that you need to take a deep breath and relax. Nothing is happening right this moment that is going to kill you or that is irreversible. Nothing has changed. You merely have more information.
You should respond telling her that you understand and that she should take as much time as she needs.
"W, I completely understand. Please don't feel like you have to rush into anything. Take your time and we will talk when you are ready. I love you, you are my wife, and the mother of my children... but above all else, you are my friend. So go put our conversation on the back burner for now and try to have a great day. Rough"
Good stuff^^^^ . I still see some hope b/c she's not resolute in her decision and I FEEL
as a woman, if I were sure I wanted out and was mainly going to figure out logistics and holidays, I'd make sure to convey my certainty that the marriage was over and that we were just going to be dealing with details.
I would not be so oblique about it. If I were SURE we were done, I'd say so.
But the thing that strikes me most in this situation Rough, is that you and your wife communicate very poorly with each other. This letter is a great example of that as are some of your posts.
Not sure about the other relationships you guys have in your lives, but you specifically imply or insinuate things that are not obvious AND that you could simply state. Makes me think you fear stating your opinion or feelings. WHy hide them so much? You leave a lot unsaid as if it's understood. It's not.
Her note is confusing and vague and to me, you both need to speak with much more clarity. Just a few suggestions so I can say i'm being specific...
Speak or write in shorter sentences if you like. Do NOT qualify everything with "somewhat", "sometimes" or "Sort of".
Make declarative statements, e.g., If you love your w, TELL HER that and mean it. With this upcoming talk, whenever it is,
be strong, be clear (admit if you have mixed feelings) and be POLITE,
Know that you'll get through whatever is coming b/c you are strong AND b/c you are not alone.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
