Yes, I was floored too. I have no idea why he thinks it's any kind of solution. And he didn't really say... except to reiterate a few of the long-ago reasons he had for leaving... as if that was last week or something, and as if none of the ensuing conversations or interactions had ever happened.
My C always reminds that those reasons no longer exist in our current R (such as it is)... but H seems very committed to holding on to them and to his pain from then rather than letting them go.
My C also reminded me that as H says himself and as anyone can see, his "situation" began its downward spiral at the introduction of OW. So he is basically choosing to keep the pain, keep the destructive behavior and lose the M. C thinks he is afraid of failure. But I am through analyzing it...
Yes, you heard it here folks. No more analyzing. Please hit me if I start.
What I have wanted most is a committment to date, explore together how we could build the R we've talked about wanting... to go slow. Because I HAVE seen lots of the old H... and even a newer, wiser H here and there. Those men I really like.
I think your 180 might be the best route for me at least in the short-term, Lee.
I think I'm working through the anger, so it's not so much that. It's just that he needs to show up in a reasonable way and he doesn't get that right now for whatever reason. And yes, it would be something different.
So did you actually send the chapter of DR? My H has actually read it twice... once I sent it to him back closer to the start of our S, and it impacted him. Then he started to read the book when he was home... and said he thought our M had been much better than the people in the book (so we must be really messed up to get here).
