Hi, all of you #2

[ericmsant2]

AA

I started saying to her that I did not like this guy nocking at the door and specially the windows, and I said this in a calm voice. I said to her that it bothered me, and that it was probably a circumstance out of her control, but that there should be some boundaries to what people she is in touch with because of their reputation.

Take a look at the bolded text up there ^^^^

1) you TOLD her what YOU did not like several times.
2) then you gave her the excuse she needed...almost like...hey honey not it's not in your control. No way is YOU contacting him in YOUR control. Nah..no way..Please tell me that honey. Please confirm it for me. I don't want to know that it really was in your control.

Stop trying to get her to see something that she aint ready to see yet! A simple.."I see you have company so I will leave" would suffice and then when she calls DON'T ANSWER the phone. AA, LET YOUR ACTIONS SPEAK not YOUR WORDS. Everytime you try and explain something to HER YOU seem weak and unsure.

Stop making excuses for her.

You are still afraid to lose her.

She got all defensive and started to compare me to her S24, telling me that he had acussed her of doing drugs with this guy,

Yep she is going to - especially since she probably feels like you will do what YOU keep doing, which is EXPLAIN YOURSELF TO HER ...IN THE HOPE THAT SHE WILL GET IT. AA, she ain't stupid dude. She gets it...she gets that...

1) She can call AA anytime she wants and IF she waits long enough (a few weeks max) that you will come to the rescue again.

2) You still love her and YOUR actions keep telling her that YOU will keep trying.

3) She gets that she has you...right where she wants you.

Take control back from her.

Do you know what going DARK is?

Do you know what detachment is?

I said to her that this was the reason I did not wanted her to have any contact with these kind of friendships, specially when they were taking the liberty of knocking on her windows the way this guy was doing and the way he was taking to her.

"I did not want"...Personally right now do you think she gives a rats as* about what you want? If she did, then i guess she would be on her knees begging you to take her back. AA, it is HER place not yours...she could have anyone she wants over. Who are YOU to be telling her who she can and cannot have over.

"I said to her" - once again, here you go again trying to explain yourself to her...in the hope that she will get it.

Honestly dude it make you seem weak and unsure. If you did not want to be involved with the person who was there you get up and leave. End of discussion.

W just did not wanted to listen to what I was saying

Has she ever during this? AA, lets be real here dude, she has you wrapped around her finger. Do you know how you know when she is really listening and really begining to change? When her ACTIONS show it.

all she said was to leave her alone and forget about her.

Perfect! Then respect her wishes. Leave her ALONE. Turn off your cell phone. IF she pops up at your job ask her to leave and I mean don't even listen to a word she has to say. Nothing. Nada. Not one freaking word. Try that for a few weeks and see how it goes.

and ended the conversation by saying that we needed to find a better way to discuss things.

who is "we"? You are talking to her like she is still your W. She aint..not now.

She said that this kind of discussions will come again and that she is not prepared for them, that she is better alone.

Okay..quick question. Have you guys had sex again? I know it is personal and I will respect you if you choose not to answer. Here is why I ask...

It seems like every time you leave her alone she wants YOU back.(Psst...notice it is when you leave her ALONE) Personally I think some of it is the sex thang, but hey that's just me.

So whenever the itch comes or she needs something; she calls you back, gets what she needs and then does the same thing to you (leave me alone, blah, blah, blah).

AA, I want you to be happy dude, chit if she is gonna make you happy then I want you to reconcile but more than that..don't you want to be a whole and healthy individual? Don't you wanna be the best AA ever? IF you do then maybe you need to focus more on YOU and LESS on HER.

What you are doing is not working and has not worked.

DBing is counter-intuitive..in short it is doing the opposite of what YOU think you should be doing.

Dbing is a lot about boundaries and personal growth.

Dbing is geared to save YOU and help you become a better person.

Dbing takes TIME and CONSISTENT ACTIONS.


So lets touch on these for a bit...

Counter intuitive - you want to call or text her. Dont. You want to see her sexy face...leave her alone. Allow her to really miss you AA. I know, I know, deep down inside you are afraid that she may not be around later on. Deep down inside you are afraid that she will feel that you bailed on her. I get it..I totally do. Guess what, if that is how she feels so be it. Then I guess it was not God's will for you to be together.

boundaries and personal growth - both of these are FOR YOU. Your personal growth is really for you..it is you becoming the best YOU that YOU can be. Boundaries are for you as well. They are there to protect YOU core beliefs.

TIME and CONSISTENT ACTIONS - You have not given anything more than a few weeks at best. That is NOT consistent. That is not time.

I can expand on these but I am getting tired and need to get some sleep.

I'll leave you with this AA...

YOu are still so afraid to lose her. FTR, you already lost her. You lost the women that cheated on you (a good thing if ya ask me). No you did not lose the women you feel in love with. Nope - she is still in there.

Let go of the old woman. Find the new YOU AA..and not on the surface, the real you deep down in your soul. The MAN, El Hombre. The real you papa..look inside he is in there...

Face your fear...

Face it...

YOU will be better because of it...

That papa I can promise YOU!

When you find you...you will come to realize that ALL of this is YOUR choice. You will come to understand YOU and the VALUE that YOU have.

Peace,
Eric