The crack in my perfect life...

[Sweetbriar]

Agree that I LOVE the analogy!! Not sure I know the other ones, (castle and picnic and feeding squirrel) but this one was great! Think Im going to lay low with H for awhile aside from the kids being picked up and dropped off. Tonight was the one night a week they see him and when I saw him, I got upset. NOT in front of him or the kids..but after they left:( Just hard right now to see him.

The kids came home upset tonight..just distant and my oldest closed herself in her room all night...just hard to see them suffering. My youngest said she hates to see her sister crying. When H dropped them off, he said (laughing) that the girls insulted him tonight and told him he looked old and his hair didnt look good (he usually keeps it pretty shaved..and now he is growing hair). I think this affected him, as he later texted them both and said "I love you, meanies" which I thought was childish. Because of his low confindence, he cannot handle comments like this from anyone, especially his kids. I must admit, he did look kinda bad...does look like he has aged 5 years in 5 months...guess its stress...

H did ask how I was feeling again tonight...maybe he is starting to remember that the pregnancy is real...

He also asked them if they enjoyed their Wed nights with him of if felt like an obligation to them... damn..just have fun with them for the 2 hours you are seeing them a week..stop asking questions for your benefit to make yourself feel better...no wonder why they are coming home distant and sad...this is hard enough already.

He also complained to them he has no money and that he is going to have to get a part time job. Oh well..thats what happens when you leave your family and have to still support them...I dont know if he tells them these things so they will come back and tell me or not, but they did and I ask NO QUESTIONS...just what I get for having teens that tell me everything:) Just wait until he gets his own place...if he thinks he is broke now...he has no idea...

Anyway, I did sign the refi paper to get our credit pulled and start the process...dont plan on needing to talk or see H until Next Wed unless he decides to want to see the kids this weekend...next Wed youngest D has a event at school so I guess he will be there..that will also be the day of finding out my baby's gender...gonna be a bittersweet day for sure...

Thanks for the continued support...really taking it ALL in...