I am going thru what I believe to be my husbands midlife crisis.
Hard to tell from your description, but he could be a WAS rather than in MLC. Read DR if you haven't already, there's a chapter on infidelity that should be helpful to you. Many marriages have been saved after infidelity, but trust is a huge issue that may require a lot of counseling to work through.
Quote:
I was scared and didn't 100% trust him there. So, I cried, he got mad.
Don't do that. After reading DR you'll learn that this is the opposite of what you should do. What you should do is act "as if" everything is great even if it isn't. You need your spouse to think you've had an awakening and will be OK with our without him. You need to show him a PMA (positive mental attitude) whenever you talk to him or see him even if just on Skype. You need to GAL (get a life). Make yourself more attractive, more independent, happier. This is what might attract him back.
Quote:
My older daughter has told her Dad how she feels. She is not a happy girl.
WAS's can rationalize anything, they'll convince themselves that separation is best for the children even though there is tons of information available that shows the opposite. Don't expect your kids to have any influence on him. You need to talk to them and tell them that he needs space and time and that they should not pressure him.
Quote:
My younger one holds things in and then will eventually explode.
If you're convinced of this then get him/ her to counseling right away. Don't ever underestimate how hard this is on kids. Even though you're suffering, you've got to pull it together for their sake. I know it's hard, I had to do the same. I would go in my bedroom and close and lock the door and cry my eyes out until my stomach hurt, then dry my eyes, stand tall and show my kids a strong rock of a dad for them to lean on. I can't tell you how difficult it was at first, but the WAS will not be there for the kids so that leaves you.
Quote:
I know he feels terrible about what has happened, yet he still doesn't want to come home.
He surely does. But he'll never say it or act like it. At least, not for quite some time. Maybe never.
Quote:
Over the past year when my husband was gone, he lost a lot of weight, grew his hair longer, grew a beard and starting wearing "designer" clothes. This was a man who wore polo shirts and Levi jeans. Now he wears European skinny jeans and long sleeved printed shirts.
You may be right about MLC then, these are classic MLC signs.
Quote:
I suggested that maybe he was having a MLC. He got angry and said no. But now, 15 weeks later, after many swings of moods, I really believe he is. Today I emailed him and article about MLC.
Yikes! OK, you really need to read DR ASAP. Don't do this!! Do not try to diagnose his problems because right now he thinks YOU are the reason for all of his unhappiness, and when you tell him he's MLC of anything else then what he hears you saying is "I'm fine and you are sick, this is all your fault, there's something wrong with you that needs fixing." He'll perceive it as pressure and it'll drive him farther away.
Quote:
Only three know, two are close friends of both of us. Our families know nothing. The girls and I want to protect him and our family as long as possible. If he comes home, no one will know. We hoped by doing this, he would feel better about coming home. No one would look badly upon him. My family adores him.
This is just crazy, I can scarcely believe I'm reading it! He had an affair, destroyed the marriage and you're worried about his image being tarnished? LOL! People are going to find out soon enough anyway, might as well let them know.
Quote:
We have become very good at lying.
Quit coddling your H, he needs to start facing the consequences of his decisions. And don't encourage your kids to lie, not now, not ever.
