You should encourage him to love her that is his mother. The question is do YOU Ed want to deny her visitation? Do you think she is a good role model for your S right now? I know you said you cannot afford a lawyer but I really think that when it comes to your S and to your W's addiction and erratic visitation schedule that you need to do what is in his best interest and get a lawyers advice on this.
I see her as a part time mother and that's at best. She comes and goes in and out of his life as she pleases. I'm no child psychologist but this pattern cannot be good for him. He may appear ok to you but are you really sure he is ok? He needs some stability in his life. I don't know Ed but I think she needs to make a choice, it's either the party life or her S. If she cannot sober up for him then what does that tell you?
I really like and respect the very last sentence of yours.
I have had several free consultations with at least 3 attorneys after she moved out in February. Until there is a court order regarding custody, she "Legally" can have him or even take him anytime she wants to.
I informed her that the most important thing he needs in his life is consistency and that the only thing consistent she has shown him is not being around very much for him.
Ed
Me, 55 W, 36 T, 10 yrs S-9 M, 8 yrs 1st D-Day, 9-27-2009, With 1st bf, ea/pa 2nd D-Day, 12-5-2009, With her best friends bf, ea/pa W, AA relapse early 2009-Current W moved out 2-16-2012 New OM 5-2012