On the flip side, I'm still dealing with a lot of the anger and betrayal, and his infidelity does come up in some of our fights.
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After 7 months? Seems pretty clear you've never forgiven him. Read the chapter in DR about infidelity, it goes into forgiveness. The first thing you need to understand is you need to forgive him for YOU. You will never be able to trust him or anyone else in an R if you can't find your way to forgiveness.
This is true, I need to forgive him. I have no idea how, so I'll need to look into that. I didn't realize it was better to try and forgive so soon, although it does make sense. Clearly I don't know what I'm doing.
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He's right in that fighting is not healthy, and it's no way to live.
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Has your MC given you any tools for dealing with this? There are ways to control anger and prevent big blowups from happening.
He has given us some tools, and we follow them much of the time. We were making progress, or so we thought.
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and he just blurted out "you're making me fall out of love with you". He later said he wanted to end it. He woke up today, still wanting to leave. He said he just doesn't want to be fighting for the rest of our lives, and that we'll never change.
Honestly I wouldn't be concerned too much about this right now as it sounds like it was all said in the heat of the moment. Try to apologize and smooth things out and see where it goes from there. There's a line around here that you should hold in your thoughts- "would you rather be right or happily married?"
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but just yesterday he was kissing me and telling me how much he loves me. It's confusing and I don't know what to do.
You had a big argument, you admit you both have hot tempers and say hateful things to each other. Hopefully that's all this is.
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Do I just leave?
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No. Unless you want out of the marriage. The WAS should always be the one made to leave, and only if that's their decision. If they want out of the R, then they need to make the tough choices and suffer the consequences of their actions.
Seriously you are all blackbelts in this! I have a way to go here.
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Is this the time to do the 180?
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Doing 180's is assessing what you're doing wrong in your M and doing the opposite of those things (180's). It's ALWAYS a good time for 180's regardless of whether the marriage is sick or healthy. If we all had read DR years ago when our marriages were still healthy then a lot of us probably wouldn't be here now.
