I've been reading your thread, and can relate to you so much. I got the bomb dropped on me in January. Sometimes it still seems like it was yesterday.
I am thankful that my H is still here and not has completely gone AWOL. I am thankful that he is at least loving towards our children. But, he has OW which he thinks I don't know about. I guess he thinks everyone is just as clueless as he is.
T^2 always has great advice, and I love reading your posts T! I understand what you're saying about the nature of the R with the OP. I don't even need to imagine my H being sick, with all his medical issues and then the MLC crap piled on top. Still, this doesn't justify adultery. I think I feel p!ssed off at times too because I feel like he if put as much energy into our M as he did his gf, how great could things be? She may get him broken, but apparently he is an a$$ kissing broken man!
I know I'm not anywhere near a place yet for forgiving H. Hopefully, that will come later. But I can't help but think that no matter what, I will never be able to look at H the same way. He'll be the guy that broke my heart into a thousand pieces. He'll be the guy that treated his family like sh!t. He'll be the guy that put his d!ck where it didn't belong.
Remind me again why I want this guy?!?!
That's the anger and hurt that surfaces here are there. How could it not?
I do have compassion for my H. Heather, my H has said the exact same thing about being disgusted with himself. Can you even imagine feeling that way?
Our H's are not exactly running around with rocket scientist supermodels. Ha! More like scraping the bottom of the barrel. Our H's pain must be great to stoop so low to try to escape.
I'm long past feeling inferior to OW. She is obviously someone who doesn't have a shred of dignity or self respect. She is nothing.
On the other hand, I know I'm a pretty damn good woman. I made a life long commitment to my H, and I am doing my best to stick to it.
Plus I'm darn cute. And funny. And a kick a$$ mom. Hey, I'm just oozing self esteem today!
Hold your head high, you are being strong in the face of adversity even if it feels like you are going to fall apart. Come here and vent all you want, we are here to listen and help!
Hope you have a better day tomorrow
Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me
~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
