Today I'm extra emotional. Since I can't see what I posted yet, to be honest, I forgot what exactly I just wrote earlier. I guess many could understand how I feel right now. And I know I need to work on my GAL. It's just like waves sometimes, the emotions. I'm not sure if I should post how I feel so often here, but I hope it's ok. it's been 2 weeks since my last contact with H (also a messed up contact...). I realize how short it has been after I wrote it down. But it feels like, a long time. I don't like this but every night, I have some sort of dream and in the morning, I wake up, feeling confused/sad. I wasn't like this before, I need to work on detaching more. I don't wanna feel like this every day I wake up....
I guess my reply to you didn't go through. I very much understand how it feels to mess it up so many times. I think we really need to be stronger and work on ourselves so we have less chance to mess it up next time. I don't really see when my next chance will be but I really hope it will come to me and I will try to show H the newer me and that I really can change and I would let him go....
I wrote a reply to you too but I guess it didn't go through yet. I don't know if it'll show up or not but in case it got lost, I just want you to know that I really appreciate your tips on GAL, and I'm applying some of the things off the list!
I still feel emotionally lost since I have no idea what H is doing or how he's feeling. But like you said I have no control of this. I'm trying to not think about him too much....I'm still trying
I just don't know when he would contact me or if he would at all. He completely shut me out of his life....for 2 weeks now. And I know that he was a very logical person, now he probably has built up a very logical way to convince himself that I should be out....then I do not know if he would ever contact me again.....This thought worries me...
I thought about if I really love him, if I would really accept the "flaws" I always found in him.....I was confused, but the more I think about all this, the more I think I really do love him, and we all have flaws, I really hope that sometime he would realize that he wants to give me once more chance.....
Thank you for understanding, turtlegirl. I just wanna say thank you in case my other reply to you didn't show up. I'm still practicing, I realize more and more that it's really hard! working on it!!!
This is so HARD! I know I'm whining...everyone here is working hard and can feel it. I wish i could be more interactive now. I'm still in the moderation mode, so it makes it a bit hard.
Today, I felt like i really wanna call him and say what I want to say....but I know it is pointless, then why would I still feel that way.... Sometimes I think I'm crazy!
Still nothing from H. And I can't see my post anymore. I hope they're not lost. I'm really grateful for all your advices and help. In case my other reply posts were lost. If anything I said was not appropriate here, I hope someone would let me know
Yesterday and today are harder somehow. I had dreams of H these past two nights, and I felt warm and happy in my dream...but well, the mornings.......
I'm going to really think about how I'm going to interact with H now. But I have 0 contact with H now, I'm not sure if these 180s would work at all. But I think if I write them down, I'd have a better idea.
The past one year, I was actually detached from H. I stopped complimenting him and blamed him and didn't listen to him, and I kept saying how other guys were good at certain things etc. I felt lost and I forgot how great we were, until one month before he dropped the bomb. I really started to look at our relationship and realized how we went down, but before I could get myself back up, he gave up.....but I still have hope for us, that's why I'm here. ha.
So...I'm going to compliment him again (I always thought he's cute and nice!!), because he really deserves my compliments, and I will really listen to him, not trashing his ideas, and of course, I will not bring up how other guys are doing whatever. Also, I'm not going to blame him for small things. So many times, I got mad at him for no good reason, most of the times it was just me feeling bad myself, then I just ranted on him. Im not going to be like that again. And I really need to shut up more, I talked too much, that I really didn't listen or think too well. And other things, I guess I'll make a list and write down on a piece of paper to remind myself everyday.
I feel a little silly to do this at this point, I don't even know when and how my H will contact me again. He might just give me really bad news.....I don't know if my 180s would work or help at all at this point....but I do feel better once I start to clear my thoughts.
Any thoughts? Sorry for my inconsistent posts for now, I'm on the moderate mode
I hope everyone is feeling better and better each day I'm trying!
I should not try to scoop on H now....This feeling of losing someone you loved so much just creeped in on me....I really can't understand why someone who loved me so much can turn around and be so mean to me.....
I feel really bad. I keep snooping on small things that I could somehow relate or find out about H. And I kept making bad assumptions...And I really dislike it about myself. The more I snoop, the more I feel hopeless. I start to think that H and OW are moving in and planning on a future, and that they love each other .....I really need to stop snooping..... But at this point, I really wish I could call him or see him......But...again, I probably can't control my emotions and wouldn't know what to say.....I hope I could get some advices on this situation
It is really silly, from now and then, I worry about if my H would be in love with the OW more and more each day and completely forget about me, actually, I can't help but thinking that he made himself forget about me already. How should I deal with this thought? Any ideas?
.....I really need to stop snooping..... But at this point, I really wish I could call him or see him......But...again, I probably can't control my emotions and wouldn't know what to say.....I hope I could get some advices on this situation