I would say that since your H is confused, but that he would want to erase all this, that deep down a D may not be what he really wants. He may think getting a D is the only way to escape the pain he is feeling.
One thing is if after the D becomes final, if it gets that far, Your H will still be in pain! The pain will not stay with you, but go with him. He will realize that it won't make a difference, and he just threw his happiness away.
It's just a piece of paper, I know it hurts! God knows I do! But sometimes they have to do this before they figure it out.
