"W, I completely understand. Please don't feel like you have to rush into anything. I love you, you are my wife, and the mother of my children... but above all else, you are my friend. Take your time and we will talk when you are ready. And try to have a great day. Rough"
I like that better too.
Again, we have no idea what she is thinking now. It may be the D bomb, it may not. It is all mind reading at best. And even if it is right, it is just information. It's what we do, and the choices that we make, with that information that counts.
I heard the D bomb a couple of different times, I heard that my W could never forgive me, didn't feel the way that she used to about me, wasn't in love with me (even 15, 16 months into it), that she didn't see how our M could be fixed, how she could ever trust me, how I could ever trust her, how she and I simply 'don't work', how we have nothing in common and spending time together is like a 'knife in the eye', how maybe we could reconnect 'someday', etc., etc., etc.
And here I am. No guarantees, but what we do and our choices matter... and will have an impact.
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
should have read above "how she could never trust me again, and didn't think that I would ever be able to trust her again...".
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
You’re absolutely right, I needed to take a deep breath and relax. W sure has strung me a long with all this “we need to talk” stuff. I can’t say I care for it much but I can deal with it. Thank you for helping me to better understand her email.
I see a confused W, she cares but also thinks she wants a divorce, W understands the consequences and ramifications involved. She probably realizes how many lives will be affected by this decision. All things considered, this isn't a huge shocker because I receive a text from W a couple months ago and she wanted a divorce back then, which nicely leads to my next point.
Hope. I understand the difference between hope and false hope. Denver, you made a comment several months ago that I haven’t forgotten. You told me that during your sitch you witnessed W’s emotions, good or bad. As long as you saw an ounce of emotion you felt there was a fighting chance, maybe you knew the fire wasn’t out so to speak. While the two sitches are different, I think a lot of what I just mentioned still applies. AT’s right, hope is such a personal thing. There’s a lot of ambiguity. Bottom line, hope or no hope, I still have hope.
In terms of “back burner” I already replied to W’s email and I pretty much used Denver’s exact words so it’s water under the bridge. The format is very eloquent and I found it to be extremely helpful!!! Thank you for the verbiage Denver. __________________________ Me:38 W:43 Together: 15 Married: 11 D:5 S:8 W wanted separation 5/5/12 Stopped living together 5/5/12
“Don't lose your grip on the dreams of the past. You must fight just to keep them alive”
Denver, you made a comment several months ago that I haven’t forgotten. You told me that during your sitch you witnessed W’s emotions, good or bad. As long as you saw an ounce of emotion you felt there was a fighting chance, maybe you knew the fire wasn’t out so to speak. While the two sitches are different, I think a lot of what I just mentioned still applies. AT’s right, hope is such a personal thing. There’s a lot of ambiguity. Bottom line, hope or no hope, I still have hope.
Absolutely Rough. Hope is what got me through. I am just saying in general that trying to interpret your wife's comments outside of what is actually said is just mind reading.
And yes, I remember telling you that as long as there is emotion, there is still a chance. I believe that 100%. The opposite of love is not anger or hate... it is ambivalence. Your W is not ambivalent.
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
Denver and rough and everyone else, was there ever a time during your sitch that you weren't seeing the emotion? I now I am pretty early on, but sometimes it seems like she doesn't care at all. Wondering if that is possibly due to OP?
Me 37/W 32 S 5 D 4 ILYBNILWY 5/12 Sep 8/12 Starting to find myself 11/12 on
Don't want to hijack Rough's thread. I will take a peak at your thread. But yes, there were times where it seemed that she didn't care. And I also think that OM had a big part of that. Her mind was on vacation. She didn't want to deal with all of the pain and hurt that she associated with our marriage. OM was an escape from that. She has since admitted that that's what he represented for her.
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
Sorry about the hijack, I was looking to hear from rough as well since I have been following him very intently.
I was just sayin that I didn't want to hijack with a big explanation for my answer to your question.
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
