My Story Part 2: WAW's New Man

[twisted9999]

Ahh...

You worded that earlier, as though you do ask her, but only when you see her...every other week ? I think you said ?

Not sure which witch is which there...

Before i found out about the dude i would ask about cutting the grass or fixing things around house. Thinking back I have not asked if she needed help since i found out.

So how do you change that in yourself ????

I find that once I admitted i had an addiction it all became clear. I began thinking back and reflecting on the past. How i treated people, not just family and friends but coworkers etc. I have made it a point to not treat people like that anymore. Before my addiction i was a fun loving, happy, outgoing person. That is what attracted my wife to me. Although it has been 9 years since i was that person i still was that person at one point. Addictions are terrible, they change who you are and how you act. The hidding and lies consumed me and made me be always on defense. Now that I am in recovery I find its easier to open up. which makes it easier for me to be happy and cheerful.

Personally, I would do the things that I needed to do for myself. Not say a word about them, let my actions speak for me, and let her become curious over time, and have her start wondering about me....

All without looking over my shoulder, wondering if she is watching me or not. Because those are the things that I want for myself in this lifetime. It is the way that I want to present myself to other people.

Funny you say that because in the beginning i would point out what i was doing to change how i acted etc. It kinda annoyed her. I have learned that my actions speak louder than words and she has noticed. She even made the comment in the one and only therapy session she went with me. "I see you are changing and i am so proud of you. You surprised me when you didnt just take the computer and say see ya have a nice life. Then you went to therapy and continued to go...that was a huge surprise. I am so proud of you for stepping up and being a better father. I never respected you before and now i can finally say i respect you and for the first time in a long time i had something good to say about you the other day when someone asked how you were doing."

I will tell you this....

This is the third time today, that you told me to trust you.

In my observations here, over the last 5 years...When somebody told me to trust them, it sends up red flags to me....

It makes me wonder if the other parts are true.

Why would I NOT trust you ?

I can tell you, that I trust what you are saying. I don't know you personally....only from your words here.

If I ask you to trust me, would you do it blindly ?

Or would you read my words, and decide from them if I was trustworthy ???

Little ways that we present ourselves, make a difference...

Honestly i think it is a habbit...i spent most of the last nine years hiding stuff and lying. I would alway say "trust me" when i would start talking....most of the time it was lies. You are the first person to point that out. "Trust me" from now on i will make a point not to say it...lol i could not help myself. But it is a something I need to stop cause it does make me sound like i am trying to convince you to believe me.

I don't quite get the rational behind that one Twisted....

Whose idea was it to....build it up ????

It just sounds weird to me....that you are their Father, and you have to build up spending the night with you...

I'm just trying to understand that one....

Here is the back story. My son is autistic. he has to have a very rigid schedule and if things change up too quickly he does not adjust very well. He is having a very difficult time adjusting to this whole process even 2 1/2 months latter. My oldest is fine. My youngest is somewhat of a mommy clinger so yanking her from her mother two nights in a row may make it difficult on her.