I think you are exactly right. And the kicker is that Bryan wrote that something like this on my very first ever thread here and warned me against it.
And here I thought I was heeding that good advice!
I was doing a lot of things differently, keeping what worked and doing other things differently... and really looking at my contributions. Totally committed to communicating better with him (something I really needed to do).
But I did shift emotional gears too fast too! Sheesh. Can we say "more of the same"??
I do wonder whether seeing our emotional gears be able to shift so quickly scares the WAS? Theirs shift so much slower that it's like they are holding on to the gears for resistance!
In the case of my H, he acts as if he is completely convinced that thinking patterns and assumptions and behaviors have nothing at all to do with how we feel.
I have experienced the opposite happen in my life so many times that I am always amazed anyone can believe this.
Quote: What on EARTH makes these WAS think that their new relationships won't be headed the same way a little down the road beats me. No pain (work), no gain. No learning from the past, no escape from repeating history.
Oooh. I would LOVE to know the answer to this. My H says he is learning from experience... and he did seem to be, too.
But on the other side, OW assures him he just married the wrong person and is now depressed simply because he's been holding on to his marriage...and why? Nothing he can do now but move on-- with her, of course. After all, she waited for someone like him-- she even said it "makes her sick" that he's married. Talk about mind games. This woman could write a manual.
