Separating Inevitable

[littleGTO]

AnotherStander and Tumbling, thanks for your advice about the separation. I understand his need for leaving, but the acceptance of it happening after these 4 months of it "possibly happening" is very difficult.

I don't know HOW to detach. What does this LOOK like? How do my interactions with him change? MY IC said to maybe act interested, but not always available. Let him initiate ALL contact (all non-kid contact). I'm not sure I can/want to do this.

GAL is also tough when you have 3 very busy boys running different directions all the time- my life is THEIR activities, for the most part. I do exercise for my own sanity, but have very few interests outside of my kids' activities, and don't go out with friends hardly at all.

Evenings/nights are going to be the toughest for me,as that's when we talk IF we talk, and when we CUDDLE if at all. I have some sort of insane need just to BE around him sometimes...even though his signals are sometimes very clear to STAY AWAY (if which case I back off and give him space).

My H is starting to see a IC tomorrow so I'm praying this person is a good match for him. In his write-up it says he used Solution-Oriented Brief Therapy so I'm hoping some of his advice will be in line with Michele's. We'll see. I also hope my H will share some of his therapy with me, but will not pressure if he doesn't.

Some of the logistics of the S have already been worked out--visiting (at least loosely), "stuff" he'll take/won't take, finances (we both pay for everything together still...for now), and NO visits for kids to his apartment. They will remain in our house and H will visit there (whether I'm home or not is up to me). MY IC thinks we need to put more specific times on the visits so kids don't have certain expectations, but our kid schedule is so different from day to day that we BOTH need to be available to get everybody to where they need to be.