What happens when you have to react without getting advance notice ???
Being different, is not the same as just acting differently...
I am always faced with having to react to things I knew nothing about. I think I handle it quite well at this point. At the beginning I was terrible and there was alot of crying. I dont respond in anger. I try and stay calm and collected.
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I think that the word 'occasionally' should have been used there...
She is in full Divorce mode, with the possibility of another man....
And you want to be available for her ???
That is true it should have been used and I do only do it occasionally. I have not asked if she needed help with anything in around 2+ weeks. She initiates asking for help.
Yes she is in divorce mode and there is the possibility of another man...that make me plan B which is terrible. And no I dont want to be available to her all the time. Hence the reason I have not asked if she needed help since I found out about him. What I do know is this guy is giving her what she needs right now and that is support and understanding. I am trying to do the same when she allows me too. The moment i get the feeling I am overstepping my boundries I back off.
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Letting her know all that you do...
How do you 'let her know' ?
Like, a throw it in her face kinda way ?
That is what I meant by saying that you are trying to talk your way out of this.
Why don't you let your actions speak for you here ???
I worded this pretty terrible. When I said "Let her know" i was talking about my DB coach not my wife. I share very little about what I am doing or where I am going unless it is about the kids. She is the one that is openly telling me what she does/did and where she goes/went when I have the kids. Everytime I talk to my DB coach I let her know what has happened since the last time we talked. Good things that happened between me and my wife and the bad. She has said that i have made some mistakes but as a whole I am doing good and to continue with my goals and doing the things that are working which I am trying to do.
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So you really aren't changing for you....
The parts in bold...you just did with me too.
I am changing for me. Trust me i was a misserable person to be around. Looking back now the things i said, did, the way I acted was hurtful. I was in a full on addiction mode and was letting it control my life. My kids, wife, family, friends suffered and honestly i could have cared less...it was all about me and me alone. I am changing those things for me because I dont want to carry them into my next relationship regardless of if it is with my wife or not. But like I said I started off doing them because I wanted to win her back. After 2 1/2 months of going to a addiction theripist I came to realization that if i make these changes to win her back I will just revert back to my old ways eventially. Do I do or say some things to try and have her see me in a different light then just all bad..yes i would be lying if i said no. I try to make the most of the little time we have together and if that requires me to fake being happy even though i am really in a horrible mood i do it. I believe if you keep doing something you it eventially becomes natural.
As for the bolded words...cant say much here because you are right....
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You may not complain...but you remind her about those things....
I am not sure what you are saying here. If she asks me to pick something up at the grocery store if she knows I am there I just say ok I will leave it at the front door.
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I may be missing something here...
You said that it 'states' that you need to build up....
What is stating this, and build up to what ???
If I missed this, I apologize.
What did the normal day of child care, and how it was split up, look like before the bomb ?
In the divorce papers it talks about me having them overnight. They are all relatively young and we didnt want them going from never being in my appartment to sleeping overnight 2 nights in a row. So instead I am not sure the exact wording but it says eventially build up to having them stay with me from friday night to sunday morning.
Before it was they older two went to school and my mother in law stayed with the youngest and pick the others up at school. My oldest slept in my mother in laws bed. 3 year old slept in his own room and my youngest slept in the crib or in our bed.
M:30 W:31 D:6&1 S:3 Married 9 years 8/8/2012 ILYBNILWY Bomb Dropped: July 2012 Legally Separated: 8/3/2012
