I'm debating ways to dig into this. Intel. The game changes if there's an OM. Thoughts?
Yeah:
A) She's already stated she's done with the marriage and you're separated now, correct? Not sure how knowing about an OM changes anything. She's already done and moved on, a marriage doesn't get much more dead than that. I'm in the same position, W is moved out and declared the M over. I don't think there's an OM but I don't snoop about it either. My attitude is that it would just make me more upset to find out about it and it has no affect on the DB approach. And rest assured, if there's an OM then you will find out sooner or later even without snooping. And besides, I doubt the two of you were virgins when you met, yet you fell in love with each other. Why would a PA prevent the two of you from falling in love again? I sympathize with the fact that you're technically still married as am I, but we have to accept that our wives don't see it that way right now. They see themselves as free to pursue whatever they want.
B) Are you thinking of all of this as a "game"? Is it your goal to win this game? If so then you're going about this the wrong way. DB'ing is all about changing YOU and making YOU a better, more attractive, more independent, stronger person. This may in turn attract your spouse back. It's not a game, it's about putting forth a serious effort to change yourself.
