The simple act of putting my arm around my W last night led to a major argument
Are you surprised? Did you already forget the hot/ cold post? Go back and read it again. Remember, when she goes cold your reaction should be half, not double.
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All irritating and not new information. But she further informed me that she never wanted to have my babies, just wanted to have babies, which was a low blow. And that she wished she hadn't spent her granny's inheritance (something that I had actually advised against) so that she could leave if she wanted to.
Remember not to agree or disagree with things like this, just validate her emotions. This is a great time to show her how good of a listener you are.
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We talked it out with our counselor this morning and smoothed some of it over, but I still feel that whatever progress was being made may have collapsed then and there.
"Another thing to expect is that your wife will run "hot and cold" -- she'll be nice to you one minute and the next will shut down hard. This is extremely confusing. Here's what's going on -- your wife will "try on" being nice to you to see how it feels, or if she gets comfortable may slide back into a familiar partner role. At some point she'll catch herself, will worry that you'll get the impression that everything is now "okay" when for her it is not, and will then make sure to demonstrate to you that everything is NOT okay by shutting you out and pushing you away. That's all an inner dialog so to you it just looks completely confusing. If you expect it, you'll enjoy when she warms up and won't worry too much when she goes cold."
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I don't feel like I am getting my emotional needs met in the relationship and have considered finding someone else to fulfill those needs.
No one said DB'ing was easy. In fact most people readily point out that it's extremely difficult. In The 5 Love Languages terms, we're working on filling our spouse's love tanks while ours remain completely empty. It's an investment, we're working on them with the hopes that our tanks will get filled later. It's also a bit of a gamble because we don't even know if we can get our spouses back. That doesn't mean you have to be celibate forever, but I would suggest giving it a few more months first.
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Some tactics to help me wait this out, and not fall into the arms of one of my nubile young co-workers, would be very nice.
Not sure if you meant it to be funny, but I got a chuckle out of that
