Feeling so low today. Read some information on different types of affairs and the grieving process of abandonment. I know, in the long run, this info will help, but right now it just brings me down. The reality that our marriage, as I knew it, is over stinks, hurts, blows. How could he kill something so beautiful?

I know I sound like a victim. Well, maybe not, I intend on feeling these feelings as opposed to stuffing them like my mom did. I do NOT want to carry this grief through the rest of my life. I want to move past it, so I guess I have to get through it first.

Hurts so incredibly bad to think of H out there loving someone else and giving someone else the attention I craved from him for years. I completely get why this is called heartbreak---it really feels like my heart is breaking, literally.

Seeing things as hopeless in terms of my marriage today. I do know, however, that I'm not hopeless. Still, it's sad to think this 30 year relationship may be over for good. Just had to let it out. I feel scared--been a long time since I faced life without H. Even when we weren't married, I kept this fantasy in my heart that he was always there for me (which he wasn't). Letting go of this fantasy hurts.

Heather

"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man

“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson