See here is the thing the post did not bother because of how she thougth of me (i could care less on how she thinks of me)...it bother me because she was bad mouthing me as a father and all her family and friends who are also my family and friends could see it.
Was anything she posted true ???
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I admit it though part of the reason I am reading her messages is so I can get a feel on how she is doing. Had I not read the message yesterday she would have went on being angry and further justifying leaving me to her family and friends. So yes I do use some of her messages to my advantage but i also think that is not a bad thing. Even my DB coach made the comment that she thinks it can be a good thing to look at this stuff because you know how to react. When or if she ever tells me about this other guy i will not be shocked and will be able to control my emotions because I have reach to point of acceptance on that issue. Had she came up to me and said i am seeing this dude and I had no clue i guarantee my reaction would have been different then it would be now.
Know HOW to react ???
Seriously ???
What happens when you have to react without getting advance notice ???
Being different, is not the same as just acting differently...
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I am following what my DB coach is telling me to do. I let her know all that I do to help her as well as the stuff i do for me and the kids. She said it is ok to be available to her. Asking if she needs help with anything and if she says yes then do it if she says no then back off. When i stayed at the house and played with the kids and her out in the back, she told me that was a good thing. Trust me I am not doing this stuff just a random for no reason.
I think that the word 'occasionally' should have been used there...
She is in full Divorce mode, with the possibility of another man....
And you want to be available for her ???
Letting her know all that you do...
How do you 'let her know' ?
Like, a throw it in her face kinda way ?
That is what I meant by saying that you are trying to talk your way out of this.
Why don't you let your actions speak for you here ???
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I may be confused but DB is part bettering yourself so that you will be a better person regardless of what happens but also in hopes that your spouse sees the changes and decides to try and work things out. My wifes biggest complaints was that I was never open to her was very critical and argued alot with her, that I never did things around the house unless she nagged me, that i never compliment her or supported her. I am doing 180's on these things, I am not critical of her and if she gets angry at something I did I admit I am wrong instead of justifying my actions like i did in the past. I will sometimes ask if she needs help with anything...not everytime i see her but once everyother week.
So you really aren't changing for you....
The parts in bold...you just did with me too.
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If she asks me to help her out then i do it instead of complaining like i did in our marriage.
You may not complain...but you remind her about those things....
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Custody is I get them Tues till 8pm and fridays over night and bring them back in the morning saturday. I can also get them everyother saturday but it states that I need to build up to that instead of just going right into keeping them all day. I have been working a second job on sat so that has not happened yet and will change once the new schedule takes effect. Instead of getting them sat i had been getting them on days i had off that were not Fri or tues. I want a more structured schedule so it does not impact the kids so that is why i want to do the sat thing.
I may be missing something here...
You said that it 'states' that you need to build up....
What is stating this, and build up to what ???
If I missed this, I apologize.
What did the normal day of child care, and how it was split up, look like before the bomb ?
