I'm hoping to hear any suggestions or support from you guys who have been there, and maybe what you would do in my situation? With emotions, it's hard to know the right thing to do in the moment when everything makes no sense.
I've posted here before about 7 months ago after I had just found out my husband of 4 years had cheated on me with a coworker for a few weeks. I kicked him out for a about a week or two and then he asked to come back to work it out and dropped her. He said it was a terrible mistake and wouldn't happen again - said he really wanted to work this out with me and loved me more than anything. We started going to counseling right away, and it seemed to be helping. Our fights though are really the thing that makes both of us hurt a lot, we say some really not nice things. The other side of our marriage is really loving and wonderful. There has never been a lack of love, and we both tell each other and try to show each other all the time. We're always very affectionate and laughing, it's otherwise been amazing. Most of the time you'd never know we were struggling with anything!
On the flip side, I'm still dealing with a lot of the anger and betrayal, and his infidelity does come up in some of our fights. Overall though, I've really not been bringing it up a ton and I've wanted to work this out and try to heal. We have both always had fiery tempers, and I admit I have a lot of work to do on myself. However this ends up, that's the truth for me, and I do need to work on myself, regardless of what he does. He's right in that fighting is not healthy, and it's no way to live.
Naturally though, I'm feeling really screwed up and raw right now and I don't get how someone just gives up. We had a fight yesterday where I asked him to save money with me, and I was pissed about him not holding up his side of an agreement we had on that. I'm sure I was being moody and incessant about it and he just blurted out "you're making me fall out of love with you". He later said he wanted to end it. He woke up today, still wanting to leave. He said he just doesn't want to be fighting for the rest of our lives, and that we'll never change. He thinks the counseling is making us worse and that we're irreconcilable. I'm pissed and hurt for many reasons. I feel like he is taking the easy way out, and I've stayed the course even though he was unfaithful. I'm not perfect and I know I can improve, but just yesterday he was kissing me and telling me how much he loves me. It's confusing and I don't know what to do. Do I just leave? I have a job but not a ton of money, we both pay the bills but he seems to think he's going to stay here until he can figure out where to go with our dogs. I don't see how living together in a tiny place is healthy when one of us wants out. I have both of Michelle's books and I think I'm going to read them again (and again). Is this the time to do the 180? Please help, I know I'm a mess and imperfect but I need support.
