How to respond to this

[rubysgem]

****UPDATE****UPDATE*****UPDATE*****

An interesting thing happened over Labor Day weekend. He left her. He said he was going back to his wife. Of course I did not believe a word he told me. I've been listening to his crazy talk for so long I stopped thinking he cared what was truth or not or who he hurt and it was all about him.

I was done. I left several voicemail messages that weekend. I told him how done I was. And since I actually WAS done it probably came across in my tone. I don't even know for sure all I said but I do know I meant every word of it. I know I said I didn't want to ever hear from him. I know I said I would be filing for divorce as soon as I had the money for an attorney. I know I wished him well in his new life and that I meant it sincerely. I also said I had to cut him off totally because it was just too painful for me. I know I said I did not feel the same about him anymore and he was no longer the man I married and I was said it was over... I was ready to walk away for good now. And I did. For a few weeks.

Then he began contacting me. I refused to answer. I didn't want to hear it. All lies is what I thought (maybe I still think that in a way). He told me he left her. I was skeptical. He said he wasn't dating her anymore and he moved back to his mothers. I was skeptical. I am still skeptical. This has gone on so long and just kept getting worse and worse and he kept justifying his selfishness and making it like oh well had we worked out I wouldn't have met her but I did and I have feelings now so take care of yourself, wait for me and I don't want a divorce. Something in me snapped. Like that "done" point just came crashing to me and I meant it all. I was (might still be) done.

Since then he gave me a birthday gift. A diamond heart pendant. A far cry from the cheap anniversary gift he gave me a couple of months earlier. For our anniversary he left me one of those plastic (but crystal "looking") angels you see in Hallmark next to the register that are about $5 and a bouquet of carnations. CARNATIONS. He spent LESS than $20 total and I was supposed to be so grateful lmao... NOT. Oh and since he still had keys (I took then back AND changed the locks after this) he just left them for me. This time he was nervous. Fidgety. Got me diamonds!

He invited me to a weekend upstate to see if we can reconnect. He calls every day several times. He goes out of his way to let me know everything he's doing. He even tries to make me feel less threatened by what he did and tries to convince me he won't do that. That he's being sincere. That he is not playing games anymore and is not doing anything shady. He tells me the truth. And I've been able to confirm it. Much to the OW's chagrin I suppose...

I went to a wake and came face to face with her. LITERALLY. Shes disgusting. In everyway. Such trash. A definite downgrade from me... She did not approach me but watched me. Creepy, no? A mutual friend (did not know will have to rethink that friendship now) told me that WS broke up with OW. That he said he was going back to his wife. BUT that she was done with him anyway. He was getting on her nerves and did not want him anymore. LMFAO. I know that was a lie to save her pride. She was glorious when he left me. She was elated when he moved in with her. She thought she won. She told everyone how she "stole" my husband... NOT. lololol... I even told that mutual "friend" that I told WS that the OW can have him now. And I found out that weekend I left all the messages? That was when he left her. So she called him the night of the wake to say she saw me there and I was talking to her friends as well as several men. HA HAHA... why do you care who I am talking to if you don't want him anymore? And then the next day she called him as well. HE TOLD ME ALL ABOUT IT. I bet she didn't count on that. I bet she thinks he still lies and hides her. I told him... if he talks to her I don't want to try with him. That (he is a recovering alcoholic so this analogy was great)I told him that to keep in touch with her is begging for a problem and I will NOT put up with it. I said I TOLD you that I will have NO part of you if you keep in touch with her. He was confused. But we don't see each other, I don't understand... I said she can't be in your life PERIOD. I said it's like having an open beer in front of you every single day and telling yourself you will never drink it. Eventually... you are going to drink it. I think he got that. He hasn't said he cut her off (we are not reconciled yet so I have not given him my conditions to return yet) but he does tell me he is not hiding things or playing games and has told me those 2 phone calls from her... so I am hopeful he woke up... but still skeptical.

He is not being affectionate with me. RED FLAG. He is not being intimate in anyway. RED FLAG. Yesterday I mentioned I noticed that. He told me not to feel bad about it and he hoped I didn't think it means anything b/c he just wants to go slow. That until we know what we want to do (and not sure if we are waiting for me or him - I did say I no longer love him like I once did because of all this) he wants to go slow. Not sure what I think honestly. I am still trying to figure out what changed. In just 48 hrs he went from "I have undeniable feelings for OW and want to see how that goes before I see if we can fix things... to... I left her, I will not ever be going back... )... do WS just wake up from the fog? Could something I said have slapped him hard enough to realize this was not a game and I was not going to wait while he did this to me... Can other WS that have reformed tell me what it took to wake you up? And what I should look for to be sure he's sincere?

There's more... but I will wait for responses as I am sure things will be pointed out to me or questions asked of me... I am still stunned... not sure what to make of any of this...