Was this them the whole time ??? My 2nd thread

[SunnyBurst]

going to hang with my cousins

[job]

Great! Have fun and no that no matter what happens, you are going to be okay.

[ericmsant2]

Have a blast dude! Enjoy the sun and take the time and do what you need to do to not think about this for a few days. Enjoy the wonders that will be around you.

Eric

[SunnyBurst]

Journalling

Balancing the Changes --

I find I am little confused about a couple of my 180's -- maybe me standing up is not a 180 for me and maybe it is

I am really upset with myself that I slipped into controlling again -- but I see that I was angry about her going out so much that I tried to block her from it - the concert on 10/13 I responded to go to the show because I knew that she would want to go and though I saw her on Friday and she didn't say she was going out I had a feeling by the way she asked me that she might have been planning something -- and I didn't come home to prevent it -- I had been 90% of things her way since April no arguements etc -- but she said - no matter how long you change you always go back to thinking about you first - which obviously I was doing here -- trying to reign her in and she reacted -- I was tired of babysitting for her - so I made a huge mistake -- from now on I will plan to do things I want to do BUT not to stop her from doing things -- I am hoping and praying I did not push her to far away this time. Though I was really selfish for a long time I have been working on caring for my son and her 1st Since March 2011. Basically before this my wife did what ever I wanted to do she would say sure, fine and not mean it -- I should have been more attentive to that !!!

She asked if I were taking her to the airport on Monday I said sure, she asked me again on Tuesday morning like 5 mins before she had to leave which I thought was odd -- but hey it's all odd - I took her to the airport hugged my son she turned away from me didn't say goodbye or thank you (not saying thank you really gets to me - not just from her but from anyone -- one more character defect to work on . Texted her yesterday "i want to talk to Mickey" she called this morning litterally the second I got off the plane and she said hi - I said whats up - she said you wanted to talk to your son - she put him on he can't really speak much on the phone - she tried to get him to talk more - but she got back on said he keeps handing me the phone back -- I said I would like to speak with him everyday - she said ok and hung up. So she is still really pissed at me -- but I am used to that -- the tables are turned on me -- I was so cranky for a long while and she put up with it - I feel awful for what I put her through !!! Its a revalation that we really did this to ourselves on some measure - I never would have looked at that if I didn't find this forum -
A year ago she said "I need my big strong man back" I didn't know what she meant - I became needy and dependent instead of standing strong while she was depressed - my friend told you can't pull someone out of a ditch if you jump in there with them - pretty powerful stuff !!!!

Learning so much these days I purchased the book The Solo Partner read the 1st few chapters as well as the one on distance and pursuit man she was the persuer for so long maybe that's why I am so twisted how could anyone who wanted and needed me so badly just shut it all off so quickly.

So now it's back to me planning a week of working out - healthy and some not so healthy eating -- sun and fun - swimming and beaches -- lots of Prayer, Worship and Fellowship.

I think one of the greatest prayers I pray is that I will keep my faith, strength and confidence up I slip in to despair and sadness but I won't let myself stay there long -

I got you guys - and I am regaining myself - Thank GOD for all of you and Cool Runnings - peace be the journey.

Sunny

[SunnyBurst]

Hey all - having a great time with my cousins - much exercise, praying and fellowship

Today is the wedding -- please pray that I will have a peaceful happy day without my family I love so dearly.

Sunny

[reachingHigher]

You'll be in my thoughts today, Sunny.

I'll look forward to reading how the day goes. You are strong and you can do and say the right things today!

Keep smiling and being Sunny!

[job]

Sunny,
Solo Partner is an excellent book and you'll discover the "dance" that you both participate in, i.e., the distancer/pursuer one. You will need to learn how to remain steady when she is doing the "dance" w/you. When she distances, do not pursue her. She needs to feel the "loss" of your company and attention in order to come back around once again. It's very similiar to the moth and the attraction of a candle.

Enjoy your time away and I hope that you are able to talk to your son every day. I wouldn't worry to much about her being angry...she'll get over it in due time. It's her way of punishing you and you do not want to fall into that little guilty trap.

Look forward to hearing how your time away has been. Enjoy!

[ericmsant2]

Dude....send some of that heat up North man! I hope you are having a good time.

[SunnyBurst]

Sunny,
Solo Partner is an excellent book and you'll discover the "dance" that you both participate in, i.e., the distancer/pursuer one. You will need to learn how to remain steady when she is doing the "dance" w/you. When she distances, do not pursue her. She needs to feel the "loss" of your company and attention in order to come back around once again. It's very similiar to the moth and the attraction of a candle.

Enjoy your time away and I hope that you are able to talk to your son every day. I wouldn't worry to much about her being angry...she'll get over it in due time. It's her way of punishing you and you do not want to fall into that little guilty trap.

Look forward to hearing how your time away has been. Enjoy!

Been back in home since Thursday man I never had a week of my life EVER go so fast – it doesn’t even feel like I went away LOL

I miss my son something awful he was supposed to be home tomorrow but cuz of the hurricane they canceled the flight now I won’t see him till Friday – darn it – I can’t believe how much I miss my boy – it’s really getting to me – at night I swear I hear him calling my name to wake me up. God I sound like a wimp huh.

I asked my wife to have my son call me every day – I guess that was to much to ask I haven’t spoken to him since Friday – I don’t understand her still being this hostile toward me after 3 weeks.

I realize I can live without her as much as I want to keep my family together – I don’t think I can ever recover from all the hate and anger she has been spewing and disinviting me to the ceremony after I spent $500 on a ticket and rent a car is ridiculous I hate that I let her bully me like that again. My therapist says she feels like I bullied her for so long I deserve it –

I am trying to get the house organized while she is away I have cleaned out a bunch of junk – I found a recording she gave me after we were dating a year – and man I listened to it – she did love me – a lot -- I started to believe she never did –

So many people in my life are calling and texting me about all the pictures she is posting on FB but I haven’t gone on FB and I have no intention of doing so – I don’t need anymore [censored] to be upset about – it really seems like the MLCer has this need to punish and hurt the LBS I don’t get that part of it.

I have to pick them up at the airport on Friday I can not wait to see my boy – I still love my wife too – but I am not excited about seeing her – I don’t know what it is going to be like no expectations – right – that’s what I gotta do AND stop trying to understand it as well – yes yes it is really important for me to stop trying to get my head around it – cuz there doesn’t have to be a reason – anyway

Got myself a NICE tan and believe it or not I didn’t gain any weight on vacation – my workouts were so much more intense there – prolly cuz I had all day to work out and didn’t have to get anywhere afterwoods – but I am proud of myself for sticking to the gym, work has been busy, God is blessing me with so much I am truly blessed and highly favored. I have no reason to feel sad and lonely – what the hell is wrong with my brain !!

Thanks

Sunny

[SunnyBurst]

OH boy -- how this hurricane has ravaged my home town -- trees down everywhere - gas lines like the 1970's so much flooding and so many homes wrecked, vanished and so many fatalities.

It's quite sobering to think how BIG we think our problems are then something like this happens -- thank God my house is ok - still no power but considering how bad it is I am so grateful.

My son comes home tomorrow I am gonna squeeze him soooo tight I miss him so much !!! I am very concerned about my wife coming home as well - she said she was calling a lawyer as soon as she got home - I have decided I will go along with whatever she wants - if she makes an appointment with the mediator I will just go and start making arrangements to get on with my life -- I would love to save my marraige/family but if she wants to go so be it -- nothing more I can do at this point -- no matter how I try she just needs to stay in this tunnell for now - I won't initiate a seperation/divorce but I just want to stop feeling sad all the time.

I am looking into volunteering in some of the beach communities so I should have a busy weekend worrying about OTHER PEOPLE which I think is an important thing to do as we go through these trials.

Any advise would be greatly appreciated

Thanks

Sunny