Had she (and I) had more fulfillment in our life’s, maybe there would not be so many regrets, so much thoughts of years being wasted.
This is an interesting question...I know some very wealthy people who have had very fulfilling lives, great childhoods, had the resources to lead them, accomplished some major things...and still find themselves full of regret and questioning and running...I also know some people who have had the hardest life, awful childhood, very financially challenged and yet are very at peace and in the present moment, cherishing each day and the people in their lives. And the few regrets they express do not cause them much heartache.
So, what is the difference?
Maybe those that have a poorly developed "core sense of self", whether from childhood issues, too much influence of advertizing and TV, who knows, are more prone to MLC? I do find it interesting that MLC appears to be something found mostly in the well developed western countries and cultures, not so much in the less "developed" ones. Why would this be?
One thing I found, in my experiences with other cultures, is that they have a better ingrained sense of acceptance of the rhythms/times of life (I also found this in the elderly that survived WWII when I lived in Europe, and my grandparents great depression/WWII generation)...whereas in our current culture of the last 30-40 years, there is a meme of not accepting, a striving to control/overcome/whatever, perpetual youth, always needing "more" because just where you are is not enough, that "you" are not enough just as you are where you are.
Just some musings sparked by your comments as I watch W struggle to accept that she is getting older, that kids are leaving home (as they are supposed to), as she struggles to find her inner core, etc. I went through this myself a few years back in my "mid life transition". What helped me through it was ditching the TV and starting gardening and getting back country.
So as far as the "regrets", something I wrote from ruminating on that:
Quote:
A friend and I were talking the other day and the subject of “Living without Regret” came up. It is a popular jingo-ism that seems to have been around since the 70′s. As attractive as it may sound at face value, like most zero sum marketing, I do not believe it is realistic, nor possible.
Unless: -You never make a mistake. -You never have to make a decision of any consequence. -You never have to choose between 2 or more options. -You are in COMPLETE control of yourself and your surroundings, and any people who are connected to you. -You are not responsible. -You are a god or deity of some fashion. -A master of repression. -Suffer heavily from a Cluster “B” personality disorder.
Basically, if you are “regular human being”, you are going to have regrets in life. It’s in the manual you were never shown as a kid…
Anyone who claims they have lived a regret-free life is just flat out lying…to you, to themselves…or is trying to sell you something…or sell themselves to you for their own ego gratification or justification of THEIR (probably poor) choices in life.
I tried a couple of those…it doesn’t work as advertised. It’s really just denial and selfishness in a hip, cool wrapper.
If you look at the “regret free” concept deeper than advertisement value, however, maybe there is something useful to be found.
Watching my oldest son try to find his way in life, figure what he wants to do with it, brings me to remembering being his age, and the difference between where I wanted to go and where I am. He wants to be a smoke-jumper. Damn. That is a cool, useful job, sounds exciting compared to sitting behind a desk all day. I would like to do that as well, I find that with my love of the wilderness and adventure that that would be a useful way to spend my time. But I am 47, and though I think I am in pretty good shape, I am too old. And I shouldn’t be away all over the continent 6 months out of the year during fire season because I have a family that needs me present, and cannot afford the drastic pay cut, etc…damn. Plus, it wouldn’t BE the same as if I were in my twenties, it can’t, simply because I am not “there” anymore…”there” has passed. Gone.
Without a time machine, there are no true “re-do’s”. Any attempt is an illusion, a fooling of ourselves…the experience would not, could not be the same as it might have been twenty years ago. Physically, emotionally, experientially, I am not 20, and cannot be, ever again. My hairline will not magically migrate southwards, ever again…
This must be accepted.
All I have is me, where I am at right now, with my collection of regrets, missed opportunities, things I might have done, someone else I might have been…but also with my collection of good choices I have made, people I love, responsibilities I have chosen, and my mistakes turned into wisdom.
You CAN “re-do” in a way, but with the knowledge you have gained from your regrets, the acceptance of where you are RIGHT NOW, with what you have. It is not a “going back”, it is a “creating forward” perhaps.
You now know yourself better, you now know others better. You have been tested, rejected, hurt…and so have they. Your shadow, your demons, your flaws have been laid bare, so have theirs.
I have taken for granted WAY too much in my life, allowing my ego and pre-paid programming keep me from seeing my flaws, mistakes…but also from valuing myself, and others, as they truly are. It sVcks admitting this. It’s not easy for me, at all.
I could have run from this, or, I can create what I want/need and what others want/need collaboratively going forward from right now into the future, using the experience and introspection gained, and the life I have already in place.
Neither choice is necessarily easy, though the former appears easier at first glance…but with the conscious decision to let the past be past, forgive, move “from this day forward”, the latter is actually probably easier, better for everyone involved, more honest, more growth oriented, more spiritual,
and
less
regrets.
Popular culture and marketing derides this as “settling”…and try to sell you on more, more for “you”…bullsh1t, see the “regret-free life” claims above. It’s marketing, and we are the “marks”.
I cannot be a smoke-jumper anymore, but I can better at what I do now, and tomorrow, with the blessings I already have. And I can find additional things that fulfill me, that help others, that are useful, that are regret-free.
I hope that helps you on your path some... T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
