Williams, Wendy and Needgrace, thanks for popping in and the positive comments, they help keep me going
Well it's been another week and there have been no more hugs or terms of endearment since those I reported last week. But things have not gotten worse either. I'm sensing maybe a tiny bit of thawing on W's part in that when we talk on the phone or in person she's been getting quite chatty. No flirting or R talks, just light and fluffy stuff.
I had mentioned earlier I tried to go dim, that's largely been a flop because we have a lot of crossover contact due to the kids. Way more than I thought we would. I'm afraid it may be preventing her from getting enough "space" to think about things, but the kids come first so it is what it is.
I had mentioned that when I had the kids 2 weeks ago that W was constantly trying to come over to see them or take them to her house, practically daily. I have the kids again this week and sure enough, Monday W tried taking D15 to her house AGAIN. D15 had gone to a friend's house to work on a project and I was supposed to pick her up around 8. I texted her just before 8 and that was when I found out from D15 that W wanted to pick her up and take her to her house. I decided it was time to clarify a boundary and texted W that if she wanted time with the kids she needed to coordinate with me FIRST because I may have plans that she's not aware of. I also told her I felt it was too late for D15 to be going to her house because it was a school night. I then texted D15 that I would pick her up and she said she already had a ride. It turns out W had already picked her up! Argh! Anyway, she did bring her to my house instead of taking her to hers. I spoke with D15 about this last night and she said that she felt like W wants to see more of them. I told her I understood that, but she needed to understand that my ultimate goal is for us all to be back under one roof and that W needs to feel a sense of loss and also needs space to herself before that can happen. I also told her W needs to respect my time with them and give me the respect of letting me know in advance if she wants to make plans with them. D15 understood and promised to let me know if W contacts her before she agrees to any plans.
D18 came in last weekend and stayed with me the whole time again. She's been going through some depression due to college, so we talked about that and I think she left feeling better. She still won't open up about W, but I sense a lot of bitterness there and she shows little interest in seeing W. We did all go to see D15's halftime performance, so they did see each other Friday evening. W also stopped by to see her off before she left Sunday.
All in all there's not really much movement. At some point I think I need to try something different to change the dynamics, perhaps try a bit of flirting. I know my W, and she will probably interpret my current pulling back as losing interest in her. The problem is she will never, ever initiate a move. Never has, probably never will. So if I sit back and wait for her to approach me it will never happen. I can see sitting in limbo like this for a year, than getting a D, then having her tell me later "I wanted to reconcile, but you moved on and didn't want that." That's just the way she thinks, she always assumes the worst and never says anything. So I have to be careful about that. Unfortunately that takes me mind-reading what her mind-reading is, LOL!
