Oh, Wonder. I'm floored. Are you ok? {{{{{{{{{{{{{{many, many hugs}}}}}}}}}}} You do sound strong. How are you feeling?
Wow. Well, all I can think of to say is that he must really be on the alien train right now. He may well completely reverse himself again soon, so perhaps it's best not to take it too seriously. I have no idea what to advise beyond that, I leave it to the wiser DBers. Love to you, though.
Thanks Azure. I'm pretty floored too, and not feeling so OK anymore. I don't even know how I feel. I keep hearing his voice saying "I have no intention of ever giving them to you"... and here they are on my kitchen table.
Can you think of some good ways to take care of yourself tonight and the next few days? See a friend? Write in a journal? Get a massage? I have my book club tonight, but if you would ever want to talk on the phone, I could call you. Hang in!
Oh honey, I am so sorry.......I know the pain you are feeling.......
The first thign you need to do is acknowledge the pain and le
Happiness is like a butterfly: the more you chase it, the more it will elude you, but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder.... (thoreau)
Oh honey, I am so sorry.......I know the pain you are feeling.......
The first thign you need to do is acknowledge the pain and let yourself feel it. Cry, scream, throw things...etc...
Once that is out of your system...DO NOT, I repest DO NOT blame yourself......keep telling yourself "this is not about me"......
This is what got me through receiving the D papers. At first I went back and analyzed every conversation I had had with H and tried to figure out what had pushed him to file. There really is no senee in doing that to yourself, Wonder.
This is about him and you can only control yourself. He has to find his way out of the tunnel on his own. In the meantime, keep DBing, but let him go and move on with your life! It will help you detach and it will make you so much happier.
I hope you can still try to enjoy the rest of your birthday celebration this weekend. Hang in there sweetie! (((((WONDER))))) I promise things will get better!
Happiness is like a butterfly: the more you chase it, the more it will elude you, but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder.... (thoreau)
My 2 cents; it's still not over, do not show him the "old you" and how you would react to this! He wants you to move on, so do it. But remain friendly, treat him like you would any friend. I'm so shocked!
Thank you all so much for the ((((())))). I am still a bit stunned and angry, even after a nice warm bath and some sleep. I am feeling a lot... got a lot of that out last night.
I felt last night that he was trying to drag me into an old negative pattern and/or argue with me every time I responded to anything he asked me. A few times I started to succumb, but mostly I caught myself mid-stream.
Like when I said that I was "feeling his resentment about me being friends with BIL", he said "So I don't deserve a R with my B?" I pointed out I had not said any such thing, had I? (nor would I ever say that--it's preposterous) He said "I don't know."
He obviously has a lot of feeling left and is clearly pretty depressed. I really don't think it's about me. He says I haven't been pressuring him and that he clearly remembered the conversation in which we talked about letting go last fall -- HE is the one who came back to me.
But at this point, I'm feeling pretty disgusted with his self-absorption. And really fed up with him acting as if he should get some kind of special credit whenever he does anything that a decent human being would do instead of being a complete jerk. (even when I have said I appreciate whatever kindness it is, the response that "i didn't have to do that" just makes me want to scream).
And really exhausted listening to him tell me he "feels" I did X and then say he knows it isn't true that I did X but it is how he "feels". That is just madness. I respect his feelings tremendously, but they aren't the same thing as assumptions not based in fact and flat-out false accusations.
As much as I love my H, I don't think I want this person in my life anymore. He has no idea how to be honest with me or himself, and no desire to look under the hood and deal with anything that could be resolved by him acting differently. He is just a struggling victim...
And knowing all I do about OW, it makes me so sick and sad that he wants that in his life.
Good morning, Wonder. I could relate to so much in this post.
Quote: But at this point, I'm feeling pretty disgusted with his self-absorption. And really fed up with him acting as if he should get some kind of special credit whenever he does anything that a decent human being would do instead of being a complete jerk. (even when I have said I appreciate whatever kindness it is, the response that "i didn't have to do that" just makes me want to scream).
I have no advice, just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you a lot and grappling with similar feelings. Do you see your C soon? Mine cancelled this week due to illness and I was sooo disappointed. I guess for now, maybe take all that energy that's going into him, and turn it into love and good energy for yourself.
Thanks so much for being so sweet and caring. I have taken the whole day for myself, not doing anything particular but luckily, I'd scheduled the day off.
The whole thing was just so unexpected that I was really thrown by it. I had no idea he'd even held onto those papers (filed last Oct. but I was never served). And we had just talked that a.m.
He tends to lose every other scrap of paper, passport, car title and everything else.
So... now I guess I sign them.
I was undecided all day between sending him an email about how dishearted I was about how negative our conversation was-- this is something that has worked very well when we have had disconnects in conversation-- or just leaving it in yesterday and leaving him with whatever he's feeling and whatever assumptions he's working off.
He really does get too much energy right now. So much for my theory about being at the end of the tunnel...
