3 years aftet D-Day and i finally registet

[Am I Too Late]

O

Ed if that exchange doesn't resonate with you then nothing will. Cut your losses and move on with your life. You know who she really is . She is showing her true self to you. Move on without her itO's time. How long can u continue being her doormat? 3years is long enough. Man up Ed. Stop feeling sorry for yourself.

Just so i am clear, which exchange are you referring to?

Her canceling out from picking up our boy Friday night.

Or

The negative text about the bagpipe song.

Regardless, it needs to be stopped.

I must have some attachment disorder.

But, i admitted my mistake and i have not been responding to her texts until several hours have passed. I am keeping the responses brief. I am tending to getting my finances caught up by putting my work property up for sale. I got ahold of my website creator and host to regain access to my administrator control panel to start getting leads for estimates once again.

So, with the exception of me phoning her that Amazing Grace song, where else am I currently going wrong?

Remember, i only came to the decision to detach from her on September 27th.

Yesterday, I Think i did good. She texted in the morning that she would be 1/2 hour late to our sons karate class and another text to remind me to pack his 3-DS game. I did not respond to either and when she did show up, kept conversation minimal and just to the point of her time and schedule with him for the afternoon.

She called me later to see where we could meet for her to drop him off back to me. Since i was in the opposite direction of my home, and closer to where she was at, she suggested i come pick him up at the bowling alley she was at.

When i got there, she still had a half hour left with him, but she said she wasn't feeling good, so had me take him then.

I want to see what you see that i am still doing wrong.

I also want to know what i am doing right too.

My goal is not to try to get her back anymore and i don't think i will waiver on that issue anymore. Her lifestyle and motherly care are not desirable to me. I don't see her changing. She is enjoying the party scene and having fun. Missing her own son is not a consequence to her.

I will keep working to improve me and my sons lifestyle.

Ed

[AlkalineThoughts]

Have you read DR yet?

[Am I Too Late]

Have you read DR yet?

Yes, and i am reading it again.

I never monitored results through the past 3 years and got frustrated by "Small Signs", and that is my fault. She used to say she had to Force herself to do something like holding my hand while driving to the museum and i backslided any time i knew she was continuing texting the OM's.

Ed

[AlkalineThoughts]

I ask because if you've read and are currently reading DR, you should be able to point out what you're "doing wrong"

Pay special attention to the detaching portions.

It seems every action you take, every move you make, you're thinking about HER reaction to it... How she'll feel about this or that.

You're doing a lot of pursuing and justifying it by saying you don't want her to get mad or impatient.

But you can't control HER emotions. Only YOUR actions.

Make a list of goals.

Make a list of 180s.

Make a list of GAL activities that you'll be doing for you, separate from your son's activities.

You're pouring a lot into your son, which is a GREAT thing to do. You seem to be doing a great job of parenting through this difficult time.

But you need to make sure you take care of YOU too.

Read some other sitchs on this board. Comment on them. It will help you get perspective. And, it will help you see how others deal with similar situations and the advice that they are getting.

Keep your head up.

Detach.

[AlkalineThoughts]

And when you make those lists... Post them HERE or in Zig's Goalsetting thread. You'll get LOTS of great advice!

[Am I Too Late]

Thank you so much for not giving up on me.

I am getting ready yo take my son yo Church right now.

I read TOO much advice throughout this entire ordeal and did not stay with the DB techniques. I kick myself in the azz noe for not registering 3 years ago.

But, a main complaint about me was that i spent way too much time on internet forums that were related. I totally dropped posting out of fear and that i would not be showing her my changes. But, i was OCD about looking up what went wrong and what everyone of the marriage saving gurus had to suggest about it.


Ed
Talk to you later. I have to leave now.

[Am I Too Late]

.....forums that were Construction related.....

edit for post above.

[Am I Too Late]

My son told me that when she took him to her apartment on Saturday that a guy was there already. She told him he was just a friend helping her with her new pet snake.

That irritates me that she has some guy there when she had our son arrive. Nothing i can do about it though.

Monday, she texted she might not make it to his karate class because of working late.

I didn't bother replying.

I got some decent stuff accomplished since the weekend too.

Hey, after Church on Sunday with my son, i decodes to take him out to a restaurant for a breakfast brunch. It felt nice and we had fun. I haven't gone out to eat in a long time to save money but it felt good. So good as a matter of fact, that i went out again Monday night for some $ 1:00 tacos and chips and salsa. Mmmm. That was good.

She tried calling a little while ago but didn't leave a voice mail message, so no return call is being made.

I am outwardly very angry at what i put myself through the past 3 years and at the continuous barrage of lies that i kept sticking around for.

I did reread alot of DR the past 3 days when i had time. Dang, i should have not been so impatient in the beginning, like around the 6 month point. I expected more than just holding hands in the car, like her walking together with me when we were at the museum, and o expressed my disappointment.

I concentrated on detachment and goals and GAL, plus a few other chapters . I never did make a success journal and write down acute observations, plus i read through a few entire threads on this board and another site where a bunch of former vets got exiled to it seems.

Ed

[leopoldstotch]

Ed you say there is nothing you can do about another man being in your M. IMHO what I would do is tell her you do not appreciate her lying to your S and to you. I don't think your S should be exposed to her lies and addiction. It seems that you have been her doormat for a long time. She has no respect for you or your S. If it were me I'd stop being her doormat and give her a dose of tough love. I don't believe she will snap out if this until you stand up and tell her enough is enough.

[Am I Too Late]

I meant about there is nothing i can do about it is legally. Yes, i will tell her about iy and to stop lying, but has that done any good in the past 3 years?

Do i deny her any visitation time alone with him at all?

How will that fly?

I did insist that no overnight visits until she shows consistency. She blew that the very next 2 opportunities.

I don't know what the right thing to do is. My son still loves her and i encourage that to him.

Ed