No Rick it does not sound "cruel"...sounds to me like you taking control over YOUR life.
You, your D and BOTH of your well being is all that matters right now. XW made her choices...and now Rick you make yours.
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
So exw still here very little packing? Last weekend she competed in a horse show. This weekend she has another one that starts Friday and ends on Sunday. She is supposed to be out November 1st. I don't know but it's making me ill. And to top it off I have to get a new job because the department I run will be absorbed by another agency by July. I can transfer but will take a pay cut and money will be really tight. When it rains it pours. But I will make it. It is almost over. Just venting a little.
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
If she was given the paperwork, told and KNOWS her moving deadline - you have to let it play out. But if I were you - I'd consult with my lawyer about "WHAT IF". In case she doesn't move out. I'm sure that serving her with a legal eviction notice might be very traumatic, especially since your daughter is living with you but maybe you need to let her know that you would't want to do that but that you WILL do it if it comes to that.
Your wife may very well be delusional and believe she either won't have to move (because you would not evict her) or she is just delaying the inevitable and is in total denial about how much work it takes to move. Some people are like that. They figure - why pack? When all my friends are here on moving day - we'll get it done somehow.
Agreed. Mine did not want to vacate the home, which I decided to rent. She dragged it out for a few months all the while I was left paying HER and the mtge. Chances are your Attny will tell you that you need to evict her. I understand how difficult that would be with your D still in the house. I suggest that you send your XW and email confirming that she is leave on said date. If that is not the case, then you will begin to charge her RENT in the amount of X dollars. Harsh - yes but also what other options do you have?
And if you need a reason as to why and efforce the agreements that she leave....here ya go..
Quote:
I don't know but it's making me ill.
Quote:
I can transfer but will take a pay cut and money will be really tight
Personally, I would not wait. IF you can transfer now and secure employment albeit it at a lower pay, it may make sense to do so. Remember the lower pay is only NOW...you will end up making more money in the future.
Quote:
But I will make it.
Yes you will...yes you will!
Peace, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
I just asked exw when she will move. She said next Wednesday. I offered to take the day off and help her. She gave me the circular answer that used to gets under my skin. We talked about what she will leave and take. Looks like she's living more than we had agreed on our divorce degree. I offered to help her move stuff she said she has a moving company. I can tell she feels guilty and worries about me. I have always felt that she thought I was weak and couldn't care for myself and my family. Or maybe I felt that way about myself. I am learning me. I have always worked and pulled my own weight but dunno what she thought. She did not like that my offices didn't have windows or coffee makers. But I shouldn't have to apologize cause I love working and helping the poor and mentally I'll. I love my work and the patients. I feel like crying and maybe that's part of the process
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
T But I shouldn't have to apologize cause I love working and helping the poor and mentally I'll. I love my work and the patients.
Hey, me too. Who else can say that in the course of their career they've met Jesus three times?! Glad to hear she's moving out. As I've said before, when she's gone you'll feel a sense of relief. Yes, it's sad and there's no getting around it. Feel your feelings and remember, there's a new life ahead of you. It will be good.
But I shouldn't have to apologize cause I love working and helping the poor and mentally I'll. I love my work and the patients. I feel like crying and maybe that's part of the process
Rick, this is beautiful. I spent a few days with old friends who are very well off moneywise (they just bought a plane) and they sort of look at me with that puppy face, you know, cocked head and quizzical expression when I talk about how much I love my job even tho the money is much less than what I could make in another setting. In 30+ years of working I've never been as happy in a job as I am now.
Sorry to hear about your job situation. I agree with Eric because it's easier to find a job when you have a job. And who knows, the next one might be even better than this one.
I wish all good things for you, my friend!
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
She gave me the circular answer that used to gets under my skin
The fact that it does not anymore is a good thing. At somepoint you may want to NOT put yourself in the position to even get the response you got from her.
Quote:
I feel like crying and maybe that's part of the process
It is part of the process. IMO, it is when what you think and feel becomes a reality.
Once she is out of the house, I suspect that you will go thru a host of emotions..all normal. Try not to get stuck in a rut of depression. I would change some stuff around the house, paint, move furniture, whatever...make it YOUR HOME...the home for YOU and YOUR D.
It will get better bro....If you allow it to.
Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
It will get better. YMMV, I found that I needed to keep working at making it better. It should have been obvious to me, it wasn’t and I spent some time allowing myself to feel down.
I know it is important for me to feel and to sort myself out, however this time I think I began to wallow and that is never a good thing.
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
