Lois - I have read Louise Hay, and thought it was wholly inspirational. I would also recommend 'The Journey from Abandonment to Healing' by Susan Anderson.
I also agree, at the risk of sounding arrogant, that there was NOTHING I could have done to stop the crisis. In fact my eldest son [my kids are grown up] felt that his happy stable home life actually delayed my xh's MLC. I don't know . . .
I do know we were very very happy, and he was a wonderful husband and father. Was I perfect? No of course not. perhaps I tried to be a little too hard, but that is another story. One thing I have learned through all of this is to relax more and accept myself [Louise Hay helped here].
I do think some marriages are intrinsically dysfunctional, but others are not. One partner has a MLC and blows it apart. Holly06 who used to post here is an example of a clearly wonderful lady whose xh upped and left her for someone else [I think they have reconciled, but am not sure]
An affair is a form of emotional abuse. I am very clear about that. It is never justified. Sort the marriage out if it is failing, but an affair is never an escape hatch [Read Frank Pittman 'Private Lies' If you google him you will get the sanest article on the folly of affairs I have ever read]
They are broken, and in many cases the remaining spouse is simply a by-stander. This time may be a gift, but at times it feels like a burden! You get through to the other siade as a stronger and more contented person, but I can never [as some poasters are] be grateful that it happened. It blew my life apart, and more important it hurt and damaged my three children. Who could be grateful for that?
The chance to grow though - that is undeniable, and one that I finally embraced!!
