Lost and confused

[Soul.Searching]

Thanks for the replies.
I found a second hand copy on eBay but I have to make my own account first, as we had a joint one.
Thinking back on it now, when he left the first time I pretty much did a 180 on him, without meaning to. It was all I could do to try to " disconnect" and try to keep myself together. Then he done a 180 to me and with all the other crap I have going on right now, I couldn't handle it and I started begging him again. It just hurts so much and it really feels like he is moving on with his life without me. I just wish I knew what to do. I have had a bunch of people mention a MLC and I know he is only 31 but I know he hates that he is in his 30s, he is exercising, buying new clothes, shaving regularly to the point he is always shaved. His never done that one before!! He says he doesn't even know if he knows what love is anymore. He says that he doesn't know if his in love with me but then tells me that he gets turned on, every time he sees me. I also found out he has joined dating sites. He is just so confusing, so hot and cold. His staying with his Mum and she is really worried about him. He even said the other week that sometimes he thinks it would be easier to "end it all" he said sometimes u just have to be selfish and the kids would be okay. I told his Mum about it so he can keep an eye on him. I really don't think he would do it but the. It also feels like I don't know him anymore. It feels like he doesn't know himself anymore.