This is my first time ever to post anything online. I have joined this forum to get some info and help about my situation. I am going thru what I believe to be my husbands midlife crisis. Our situation is a little unique, my husband has been living overseas. My daughters and I went for a "vacation" to where he was living. Three days into the visit, I discovered he was having an affair. Devastating. We have never had any problems. At this time he had been living apart from us for 10 months. He was due to come home in less than 2 months. So, I had to leave where my husband was to return home. My husband had to stay two more months to fulfill his contract. Of course, this was so hard for me because he was still in the same town where the OW lives. I was thousands of miles away only communicating with him thru Skype and email. He broke off the affair while we were still with him. I want to believe that he didn't resume the affair. He says he didn't. Problem is,they work together. When I left, he said he loved me and wanted to come home and make our marriage better than it ever has been. We have been together for 28 years, married 22. Our daughters are 20 and 17. My younger one's senior year of high school. Emotions were up and down and all over the place in the 2 months of being apart. I was scared and didn't 100% trust him there. So, I cried, he got mad. About three weeks, he starting saying he didn't know if he was coming home when he returned to town. Well, he didn't. I went even farther into depression. He has since been put in a new position in his company where he travel a lot at first. He has been living in a friends extra apartment. He isn't in town very long before he leaves on business. Now he will be traveling all over the world. Right now he is out of the country for a month. Both my daughters know about the affair. It was hard to keep it from them since we were all together on vacation. My older daughter has told her Dad how she feels. She is not a happy girl. My younger one holds things in and then will eventually explode. My husband has only seen the my older daughter once since he's been back. She lives out of town attending college. He did meet me and my younger daughter at the park to watch her take Homecoming pictures with her friends. He would barely speak to me and couldn't look me in the eyes. I know he feels terrible about what has happened, yet he still doesn't want to come home. He came to the house to pick up some things and that's when I heard, "I love you, but I'm not IN love with you". Nice. I have been trying to help my daughters manage their lives and move on to do the things they need and want to. My younger daughter had her senior pictures taken and didn't send the online proofs to her Dad. Both girls have had meltdowns. I am trying to take care of a 5,000 square foot house and the half acre lot around it. Also, all the housework, laundry, shopping, cooking and two dogs, plus i work full time.My younger daughter is very involved with school activities. I go to everything. Her sister has driven home the past three weekends to also support her sister. We were at a senior night for one of her activities. My husband was in town for another opportunity to see her, but didn't go. So, I am exhausted...physically, mentally and emotionally. I pretty much stopped eating the day I found out about the affair. I have lost almost 40 pounds in 15 weeks. Over the past year when my husband was gone, he lost a lot of weight, grew his hair longer, grew a beard and starting wearing "designer" clothes. This was a man who wore polo shirts and Levi jeans. Now he wears European skinny jeans and long sleeved printed shirts. My oldest thinks he looks ridiculous. I have always thought he is gorgeous no matter how he looks. When we were all together on the vacation, I suggested that maybe he was having a MLC. He got angry and said no. But now, 15 weeks later, after many swings of moods, I really believe he is. Today I emailed him and article about MLC. He fits the profile almost exactly. He is 44 and I am 43. We have been together since high school. Got married after he graduated from college. I love my husband very much. I have never stopped. I'm not sure what I'm expecting to get out of this forum. Maybe just someone to talk to. I do have great friends. Only three know, two are close friends of both of us. Our families know nothing. The girls and I want to protect him and our family as long as possible. If he comes home, no one will know. We hoped by doing this, he would feel better about coming home. No one would look badly upon him. My family adores him. We're trying to put the hurt off as long as possible. Hopefully no one else will know. People at work notice my extreme weight loss and question it. My younger daughter has to answers questions about her dad being "home". We have become very good at lying. A lot has happens in the past 15 weeks. I'm not sure what's going to happen. My daughters and I try to just go on with our lives.
