Realistic Optimist Hard At Work

[Just A Guy]

So I did something, not sure where its going to go from here...

I am using my laptop to write this because I wanted to get it all out on here and not mess it up because I was typing it from my Cell Phone....

We went to MC today. It was the 6th time we have gone. Each time I hear the MC keep telling us that we are such a tough case because she says we have "All the right tools and foundations to make it the long haul". Yet she is constantly puzzled because she cannot seem to figure out why W has no desire or passion for me.

W talks highly of me, thinks I am attractive etc...

So today after about 15 minutes of this loop de loop that was leading nowhere the MC asked W "Do you have an idea now that we are 3 months into this what you feel you need to do in the situation?"

W responded with a "No, I am still not sure. One moment I think I figure out I need to leave and the next I need to stay. It can change even 2 or three times a day".

After that there was a little talk about this and that to soften the mood and then I saw it. The golden opportunity to bring up the book ILYBINIWY.

MC started to talk to me about how I was feeling since we last talked. I told her I was doing a lot of good for me and I was reading more, taking time for myself, giving W space and support when she needed etc...

She then started to ask me what discoveries I had made. One thing led to another and finally it just came vomiting out that I had been reading the ILYBINILWY book and I was astonished at how well it described me and our sitch. The next hour was spent talking about our ack of arguing or even the fact that we have not once had a fight which we came out of having a sense of direction or feeling like things were resolved.

I told her how I had never known good or bad conflict resolution, and how my angry emotions scared me. that letting them out on W with words I was always worried she would pack up and leave because the things I got upset about were so seemingly little sometimes. So I held them all in and shut those emotions down.

W piped up and said that over the course of the past 3 years she has stopped having conflicts because she feels bad since I never show that I am mad. So she felt guilty arguing over things when I never got mad at her. We have both been numbing our emotions and in turn our M.

When MC asked about the book and I told her more and how powerful it had been for me W piped up and said, "See this is what I am talking about. You find these things and you dont even share them. I feel like we have a business partnership together rather than a Marriage." I told her I was sorry but I didnt want to pressure her or make it seem that I was trying to sway her with books on fixing our M. MC asked W if she might have thought that ans W said "maybe". MC laughed and said, "Now we are getting somewhere"..

I do not know whether this is going to help, work or even hurt. But for the first time I feel like I asserted myself, didnt avoid the conflict but told her exactly why I did what I did and she admitted that she might have assumed things the wrong way and that could be part of the reason we dont share as much as we used to.

MC said she wants us to have some "Playful arguing" where we pipe up about things that annoy us or irritate each other but that we do it light heartedly. She wants to see us in 15 days after W goes on her "retreat" and we have had time to rediscover light arguing and opening up to each other again.

Worst case scenario I learn how to stand my ground, speak my mind when it needs to be spoken and express what I am feeling when its negative without clamming up.

For the FIRST time in 6 session NOTHING was mentioned about separating or the big D, AND W still has not made up her mind so I still have the gift of TIME!!

Wish me luck and feel free to flame me for what I did today lol...