Limbo is NOT a place you want to be. What happens in limbo? Often:
- erosion of the family's finances, as sometimes two residences are maintained, legal fees are incurred (by one or both parties), family finances are spent directly or indirectly on the affair (gifts, large cellphone bills, trips, etc. etc.)
1 - erosion of the betrayed spouse's self-confidence, emotional health and sometimes even physical health (and I'm not even TALKING about the very-real STD issue here);
2 - strengthening of the emotional and physical bond between the affair partners. Affairs are highly addictive, and like most (all?) addictions, they usually ESCALATE before they ever peter out (if they even do).
3 - children (where applicable) suffer. Kids are sensitive, and the stress in a home that has been invaded by adultery is NOT pretty. Kids are left confused, hurt, sometimes unsupervised and almost always traumatized in some way. Just ask the now-adults of their parents' childhood affairs and divorces.
4 - The cheating spouse themself suffers. Contrary to what us betrayed spouses think, they are usually NOT enjoying their affairs. Trying to live the level of deceit necessary to pull it off is unbelievably stressful, the guilt tears at them, they often lose close family and friend relationships as those people learn about the infidelity, and cheaters often lose weight and overall physical health and rigor. They are often borderline or outright depressed. IT'S NOT PRETTY. Nor is Limbo. It's no way for anyone to live the life that God gave them.
Starsky
Guys, I thought about this post of Starsky's long and hard. So much of it is spot on. When you are cheating you feel like you are drowning. Unfortunately the only shore you can see is OM.
Starsky, i have to add a fifth point to this if I am being completely honest.
When my husband cowed to my cheating in fear I lost respect for him.
There. I said it.
I lost respect for him as a man. Here another man was wooing me, chasing me, violating me, and my husband did nothing but shake with fear.
Sorry guys to be so forthright, but that's the God's honest truth.
And while this affair goes on MIR your wife's respect for you goes DOWN.
You may be able to make some modest gains MIR, by extending kindnesses, but don't think for a second it will save you.
The points OM scores right now are like 100 to your 1 until you face this head on.
MIR, the longer you wait, the more confident your wife gets and the more FEARFUL you will get.
Deal with this ASAP while your wife has little confidence in OM. It's just going to get worse if while you plan.
Last point :
Protect yourself first MIR. I hate to say this, but lock down a separate account and move funds there for safekeeping. Do NOT confront your wife first and then protect your assets.
Protect everything first and then confront. Catch your wife blindsided.. it will scare the pants off of her.
Confront, make it known you have protected yourself, consulted a lawyer, and are protecting your family. That shows you mean business.
Once she knows you mean business, THEN you extend the olive branch for her to end the affair and work with you.
She needs to know if she refuses the AXE is coming down fast and hard.
If you confront her and you have nothing to pressure or leverage the situation she may just go with OM.
You Do need a plan, as was said, but it should NOT take a long time.
Don't trust INTEL she's sending to OM. You have no idea what's going on in her HEAD, you only know
1 the lies she's telling you 2. the lies she's telling him
you don't know what the truth is. So don't gamble. Protect yourself and then bring down the hammer asap.
Last thing I can suggest, to put this in terms a guy can understand...
This is a poker game MIR. You are going to go ALL IN on this move.
Your wife needs to know you have cards. Your wife needs to know you are prepared to play them. Your wife needs to know you are NOT a wuss.
You need to find a happy medium between monster and mouse.
Right now MIR you read as way too soft. Your wife needs to see your serious business side here or she's just going to call you on this play and you have to see it through.
Be prepared to bring down a hammer on the affair and her activities and show her you mean it 100%. No threats, she just needs to know you CAN do it... then you inform her you won't tolerate her disrespecting yourself or your children any longer.
If she says she needs time to decide, you shut her down.
She's had more than enough time to play. Tell her your children have put up with enough of her neglect and deception.
Play this as confident as you can. She will be be scared but she won't show it. You have to let her shake for a while and NOT show any weakness.
