Well, now that I have let all my thoughts about that conversation mill around a bit, I feel fine.

A C friend gave me some additional insight: that perhaps H is feeling not worthy and feeling the difficulty of getting out of his web. Or perhaps he does not trust his C enough yet to fully open up so if still in the defenses (here is why my M was so awful and why I am here). Or maybe using C as a way to get a rubber stamp for his situation instead of looking at what he needs to change in himself.

Or his C might be someone who focuses on going back into all the negative feelings he has had instead of how to have the kind of M we talk about, which she pointed out will be reinforced by OW any chance she gets.

Basically her point was that I don't know why he would suddenly come out with something completely different. Good point. The moral of the story? Don't try to get in his head, wonder!

Re-reading my more recent emails from H and my journal entries showed me that yes, H was asking me and thanking me for my patience, telling me he wanted his M and me and how scared he is about doing it the old way, asking how we fix it together, etc. etc. (no, didn't imagine all that...but thought I should check. )

So if he is doubting all that stuff he has been saying, fine. Of course he has doubts. Doesn't everyone? It's the assumptions that drive me a bit crazy. Oh well. Could be much worse, and it has been, too.

I will see H this week for our bank appt. I hope he is feeling more positive. But I know that I am. I'm really excited about my new business plan and the skills I am learning and the stuff I have been up to. Oh, what that boy is missing...

wonder