Now Separated, Am I doing the right things?

[Denver_2010]

W says “So Rough, how are you feeling about us? What do you want to do?”

If she asks you that? I think that you need to answer immediately and unequivocally. You love your W, right? You want to be married to her, right? You're willing to work fixing the marriage aren't you? You've worked towards that up to this point, right?

Why would you want to hide the ball with any of that??

Ok, you bring up a good point. I just figured that sometimes it might be good to refrain from showing my cards. I understand the honesty thing but certain topics I have a hard time being honest with. For example, acting “as if.” I am fine putting on that front around W but that’s not really how I am feeling. I think I understand your point. For some topics it’s ok to show my cards and others it’s not.

Obviously I don't want to go off on a tangent but if she asks, I need to stand for what I believe in! Saying things with true conviction, decisive and concise, this is how I feel about XYZ!!!!

Am I on the right track?

Yes. You don't have many opportunities to have a good conversation about your situation with the WAW. You have one here. Listen, validate feelings, and be kind and sincere when you do talk.

It's your once chance to let her know how you feel and what you want.

The 'I don't know how I feel about that. Will think about it and get back to you' response is for those things that catch you off guard.

W: "H, I have decided I want a divorce."

You: "I'm really sorry to hear that. That's not what I want at all. I understand and respect your feelings though."

W: "I would like to go to the courthouse and file the paperwork to get the process started."

You: "Hmmm.... This isn't what I want, so I haven't put a lot of thought into the process. Let me think about it and get back to you."

Make sense?

And AT, I know that this may seem inconsistent to what I was telling you to do with your big talk a couple of weeks ago. I see your situation being different though. Known, active, OM, and really no defined period of space between you and W. I'm willing to bet that a time will come when you have a convo similar to the one Rough is about to have.