I now have more time to formulate a proper message with some updates and commentary on what others have shared with me or questioned what I have written.
I agree with the notion of the OM being a predator, and that does anger me to high levels. I am amazed at my control of this anger (one of the things that I have changed about myself) but believe me I have never lost site of this. I am trying to deal with it as best I can and that does include an ineveitable confrontation about the A.
And yes the timing of when to confront is going to be extremely critical. Many of my questions here have helped me to formulate a when and how this will happen. As I mentioned there has been some digital contact that I know of between my W and OM, but I have been able to negate all face to face contact which is part of my plan. I am able to influence this for the next 2 weeks after which is when I am planning to confront. This will be after we have spent a lot of time together and after we have shared several trips and had many good times together. The idea is that my W has seen the changes (which she has commented on many things and has changed her actions to/towards me as well…..in positive ways) and realizes that I AM the man she wants to be with.
I am still formulating my approach and what the boundaries will be that I am going to state. This is where I could use some current input. I obviously want to show that I and our M deserve respect from her, but I do not want to be so harsh as to drive my W away. I am still figuring this out myself.
And yes as recently noted, I actually had figured out that my W is lying to the OM about us, what is going on between us, and several other aspects of the current actual truth on what is my side of reality. I can’t quite formulate the reasoning here (again insight on this is very welcome if anyone has experience with this…). One possibility is that maybe she does not want to let the OM know we are trying to work it out (although there is still hesitancy on her part) and as I mentioned his life is in turmoil as he initiated divorce proceedings ( not that I give a rats ass about that).
Unfortunately the last night before we came home, I kind of had a minor slide back which I am hoping is not hugely detrimental. My W overheard me saying something and I am not sure how much of it she caught. It would lead to the fact that I know about the A even though currently nothing has been said openly between us. I was able to deflect what she actually heard, but I do not know the extent of the rest. Regardless I am using that as a solid reminder that I need to keep it together ALWAYS, but as noted several times here it is not the easiest thing to do, and we all make a mistake now and then.
The support I receive here is my strength and calm right now. I appreciate you all and please keep the advice rolling in as I am finding something useful from every post and again I am gaining strength for all of it.
