Do you have libraries where you live? Can they get you the book? I dont know whether you can get a digital copy of the book or not. I am sure that you get get phone coaching from the DB office.
Get out and GAL.
DETACH.
Believe none of what he says and half of what he does. Have NO EXPECTATIONS. Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
You are on moderation right now on the forum. SO post in small frequent posts until you get off of it. Stick to this thread until 100 posts for your story.
Your H is giving you a GIFT. THE GIFT OF TIME. Use it wisely.