Now Separated, Am I doing the right things?

[roughenough]

After all, she might want to talk about building a rocket ship together!

Oh Sh!t that's good.

[Denver_2010]

You need to go into this conversation with the idea that you are going to LISTEN to your W and VALIDATE her feelings. Go into with the idea that you love her regardless of what is said. You need to show her the new you.

With all due respect to Chatter, there is no need for you to try and control it. You have basically been silent for months. Your W already believes that you have moved on in some ways.

This is an opportunity for you to show her that you are her friend, that you love her unconditionally, and support her journey to grow as a person.

It's one conversation. An opportunity for you to show your W what she is giving up. There is plenty of time to set and enforce boundaries later.

[AlkalineThoughts]

You had it all dialed in AT, your preparation was of epic proportions. This is VERY good advice to remember. I really appreciate the positive words.

And just know that no matter HOW well you prepare, you CAN'T prepare for everything. Listening and validating will get you through almost everything here.

You've come a long way already, and this is just another step in your journey.

[roughenough]

And just know that no matter HOW well you prepare, you CAN'T prepare for everything.

^^^^^^^^So true.

[roughenough]

Your right, listening and validating will get me through almost anything. Note to self, the right tone of voice is very important when validating, it’s useless unless it comes across sincere. Sometimes I become somewhat aloof or passive aggressive and I need to avoid these tendencies.

I should show confidence and an upbeat attitude, smile and be her friend. I need to remember I can always use the statement “That’s a good question, I am going to need to think about that and get back to you”. I truly don’t feel I will need to do much talking. Especially if SHE is the one wanting to have this meeting.

[roughenough]

I haven’t had a drink in a week. It’s been somewhat easy to do. It’s good for me to refrain from the beer every now and then.

[roughenough]

As you've told me, tread carefully. Slowly and with deliberation.

[AlkalineThoughts]

Yeah Rough, but remember she's going to be JUST as nervous and on edge as you are (most likely)... So she absolutely could clam up or just start asking open ended questions...

But you are already well prepared... You've got your validating hat on, you're ready with your "I need some time to think about that" response to things you're unsure of... and you've got a boatload of other lessons you've learned in the back of your head.

[someguy1233]

I haven’t had a drink in a week. It’s been somewhat easy to do. It’s good for me to refrain from the beer every now and then.

This is so true! I used to drink myself silly and smoke 1.5 packs per day whenever things got rough... I've found that staying away from the booze helps maintain a more level head. It also leads to better sleep which helps the next day!

[someguy1233]

Your right, listening and validating will get me through almost anything. Note to self, the right tone of voice is very important when validating, it’s useless unless it comes across sincere. Sometimes I become somewhat aloof or passive aggressive and I need to avoid these tendencies.

I should show confidence and an upbeat attitude, smile and be her friend. I need to remember I can always use the statement “That’s a good question, I am going to need to think about that and get back to you”. I truly don’t feel I will need to do much talking. Especially if SHE is the one wanting to have this meeting.

I've recently found validating to be an amazing thing. I've barely said a word in my last to conversations with W regarding our R. I validate, she vomits a bunch of words that I TRY not to take personally, and then the conversation is over.