About to separate....

[dorightman]

After reading LuckLuke's posts, I too am wondering if I need to take a stand on sleeping in kids bedroom for the past two months. I think if I told my w I wanted to sleep in our bedroom again, she would say fine, I'll sleep with the kids. No progress. This is like a game of chess...

[MrBond]

So you asked to make love to her and think you can demand for her to sleep in the same bed as you after you went psycho on her a few days ago?

Really?

Do you need sex that badly that you're going to sound like you're needy? Do you think that's attractive to your W?

Hey if you want to kill all chances you have, go for it.

[dorightman]

I guess you're right Bond. I need to take some time off from her before I totally blow it, if I haven't already.

[AnotherStander]

She goes out without her wedding ring. She comes home and doesn't want to talk to me, she wants her space. I'm giving it to her, but it feels so bad to me. Living like this is very painful.

I'm perplexed that when she's sending such obvious signals that she is "done" with you (in her current state of mind) that you actually broached the subject of having sex with her. That had to come off to her as incredibly needy, and the last thing you want is her thinking you're needy. You're doing the opposite of DB'ing. What you need to do is detach and GAL. You need to show her strength, character and independence.

She also told me that this sitch would be easier if I moved out and I told her that I wouldn't abandon the kids.

Well you did this right at least I wouldn't have said that though, because you're implying that if she leaves then she is abandoning the kids. My W asked why she was the one that had to go instead of me, and I flat-out told her that I was the one fighting for the marriage, I was the one doing everything I could while she was doing nothing. I told her I supported her decision if she felt she had to move, but if she wanted to stay then I was willing to work with her on the M just as long as she wanted to stay. But my leaving was never an option.

Anyways, I'm not sure how to proceed. Is it possible to do the LRT and still treat her as a friend?

Why do you think you need to do the LRT? If you've read DR then you know everything she's telling you is straight out of the WAS script. You shouldn't be surprised at all. What should you do? Detach. GAL. Work on your 180's. Use the opportunity while she's home o show her 180's. There's no need for LRT yet, that's what you do when you're about ready to drop the rope and move on.

She just won't let go of her story from the past, she says she fell out of love and it's too late. Is it really too late? Or can can love be rekindled? I think that is my biggest question from this whole experience.

Again, this is straight from the WAS script. Not surprising at all. Don't believe anything you hear and only half of what you see, what does that DB tip mean to you?

[dorightman]

Stander & Bond, thanks for your insight! The sex thing was needy, and I know it was wrong, but at the time I felt like I needed to test it. I also felt like her and I do need to connect again like that, but obviously thats not on the table for her right now. I get caught up and confused with my emotions alot lately. I've been reading so much and my head is buzzing with all this information. I appreciate the advice from you and everyone else on this forum.

[dorightman]

My w texts and phones her "best girlfriend" from 6am all day until she goes to sleep around 11pm. It's so much that I'm beginning to think that they are having an affair. Is this normal behavior for woman friends?

[dorightman]

She came home from work and gave me a hug. It'd her I'd pick up son from school so she could rest. I noticed she didn't have her wedding ring on and I couldn't stop myself from asking her if she ever wears it anymore. She said she does. But was in a rush to get to work today. I called her from my sons school as I was waiting for him and told her I didn't want to act passive aggressive w her. I said I feel uncomfortable w her not wear g the ring and also with me not sleeping in our bed. Then I said I won't mention it again.

[AnotherStander]

My w texts and phones her "best girlfriend" from 6am all day until she goes to sleep around 11pm. It's so much that I'm beginning to think that they are having an affair. Is this normal behavior for woman friends?

Yes. It's something of an EA. My W did the same with her newly separated BFF for months, texting morning to night. Her BFF was her enabler, adding fuel to her "I want to be free!" fire. Then W moved out and they hardly speak or text anymore. I'm doing a bit of mind-reading here, but I think they went out a few times after W moved and W may have realized that's not the life she wants after all. She seems to have forgotten that she didn't even like clubbing when she was in her 20's. W has since returned to kid and family activities, but so far she's not reaching out to me beyond being friendly. I'm still giving her space and time.

[AnotherStander]

I noticed she didn't have her wedding ring on and I couldn't stop myself from asking her if she ever wears it anymore. She said she does. But was in a rush to get to work today.

LOL! So she couldn't spare the one second it takes to put on a ring. When I noticed my W quit wearing hers I asked about it and she said she had cleaned her hands and didn't have a chance to put it back on. That was months ago and it's never been back on her finger. I guess her hands are really clean

[dorightman]

Long talk tonight, calm and honest. She said I'm a crazy person that keeps running into a brick wall. She said she is totally shut down from me and I'm in denial. Even though I said it takes work to get through the hard stuff in marriages, she said what if one person isn't willing to do the work. She said she isn't willing, that she has tried and it's too late. She said "it would take 5 years for you to change, do you really think I should wait around for 5 years?" I said I could change faster then that, but she doesn't believe me. I validated her feelings, told her I have work to do on myself. She said she wants to see a mediator so that I would find out what I legally need to pay her. She said she never was "in love with me" . Because I was not able to really see her. I was not able to connect to her emotionally and I was critical of her for the entire marriage. Her friendship with her girlfriend is just a close friendship. I was tripping. I don't feel like giving up. I guess I'm gonna keep hitting that brick wall for awhile. Oh Lord!