Life as an Authentically Living LBS.

[job]

Lois/Heather,
There was absolutely nothing you could have done to stop his crisis. This is his crisis and his crisis alone. What happened to him happened when he was a child. Each and every person goes through a life's transition and we are on the only ones that control the outcome of that transition. Yes, there are outside factors that contribute to how we deal w/the transition, but when it comes to the internal factors, only we can drive this bus, no one else.

Just as they select the OP, if the OP they are with at this moment wasn't readily available, they would have found someone else. Again, only the mlcer has control over his/her destiny.

I'm sure you had a good marriage, we all did. We all tried to do the best that we could and we all made mistakes along the way. No marriage is perfect, but what happens to the spouse that enters a mlc crisis doesn't really have anything to do w/the marriage, except for the fact that they tend to turn their focus on to us and the relationship and think that because they are unhappy, we are the root of all evil. Some day, your h will realize he had a good marriage and a good wife, but for now....he's out there searching for himself and what he thinks he missed as a young adult. He's searching for that self worth that he never got growing into a man from his parents and he needs to go back there, to that dark place, and find himself. While he's gone, dig deep for patience and compassion for the emotional pain that he is experiencing. Yes, there will be days when you want to knock some sense into his head, but keep in mind, you would not deliberately harm someone who has terminal illness or who has broken bones. Your man is broken on the inside and you can't see the emotional scars and bruises that he has carried for years. They have to heal and the only way to do that is to allow him time and space to do what he must do to get to the other side.

Keep the focus on you and your children for now.