Was feeling pretty empty inside most of the day. Then had good conversation with w about Retrouvaille. I think I appealed to her heart. Stated that it would mean a lot to me and there are no expectations for it. Just that it may be our last weekend together, and it would be nice to say that we spent it exploring the possibility of saving our m and family. She stated that she doesn't want to lead me on or give me hope. That is when I told her that I had no expectations and that it isn't what she does or doesn't do that gives me hope. To have hope is a choice that I make.
Me 37/W 32 S 5 D 4 ILYBNILWY 5/12 Sep 8/12 Starting to find myself 11/12 on
Was feeling pretty empty inside most of the day. Then had good conversation with w about Retrouvaille. I think I appealed to her heart. Stated that it would mean a lot to me and there are no expectations for it.
Retro is a great program from what I've read, but it doesn't save marriages so much as it gives you tools to open up communication. Most marital problems can be traced directly to poor communication, so establishing lines of communications is a great first step in healing a sick marriage. But please don't get your hopes up, it's not a one-stop cure for a broken marriage.
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Just that it may be our last weekend together, and it would be nice to say that we spent it exploring the possibility of saving our m and family.
Sounds like you're trying a little to hard to sell it to her. I'd just present it to her as a program that helps improve communications and that it will benefit both of you whether you reconcile or not. That's actually closer to the truth.
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She stated that she doesn't want to lead me on or give me hope. That is when I told her that I had no expectations
But you clearly do have expectations and you expressed them to her!! You really do need to drop ALL expectations of what Retro is going to do for your M and just try to go into it as a blank slate. Those that have been say not to expect any sudden revelation, and not to watch your W for a reaction. It's not about that. It's about working on communication.
Found out last night that they want you to stay the nights at the hotel. I know I am assuming, this will make it more difficult to get her to commit. Any ideas on a properly worded e-mail?
Me 37/W 32 S 5 D 4 ILYBNILWY 5/12 Sep 8/12 Starting to find myself 11/12 on
First coaching session tonight, really looking forward to it. Hopefully it will help me get off the roller coaster so I can start climbing the mountain.
Me 37/W 32 S 5 D 4 ILYBNILWY 5/12 Sep 8/12 Starting to find myself 11/12 on
Let us know how the coaching session goes. Sometimes they apply to others as well as yourself.
And eyesopen, you do sound very hopeful about Retro. It's hard not to get excited that it might curb her decision. Assume this...
You will both have an opportunity to improve your communication. YOU will learn as much as you can to communicate, not just with W but overall in the future. YOU will be a better YOU!
Maybe...it will take months before she even considers turning around but in that time you will practice what you learn in Retro.
Mending your marriage takes time, lots of time.
Take care eyesopen.
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
I would say the session went well. I would seem to be on the right track as far as showing W that I am capable of changing. I do need to work on how I ask her to do things without putting any pressure, or making her feel guilty. So when I tell her that they want us to stay overnight at Retrouvaille, I should just say, W they want us to stay overnight, let me know if it changes your mind about going? It is good for me too. It will help to not have any expectations of her. In turn I think it will be a nice step in detachment.
I have completely accepted that this journey will take time and for me it may even take a divorce. My choices that I have made in my life have lead me to this path, and my choices I make on this path will lead me to a better life. And that I am 100% positive of, and I have 100% control of.
Me 37/W 32 S 5 D 4 ILYBNILWY 5/12 Sep 8/12 Starting to find myself 11/12 on
So this morning when w came over for the kids I told her that they would like us to stay overnight at Retrouvaille, let me know if that changes your mind. She didn't say anything. Just a nod. It felt good to do it without the pressure aspect.
Me 37/W 32 S 5 D 4 ILYBNILWY 5/12 Sep 8/12 Starting to find myself 11/12 on
